The Weak End is Coming!!!!!!

Oh! How the weeks fly by when you are teaching seventeen classes a day.

I have major plans for this weak end, involving a special somebody. I can't divulge anything else write now except to say that it's a girl.

Yes, I met somebody new. I decided to go to church the other day to get in touch with my spiritual side. I chose the Catholic church. I hate the Protestant church, they build too big churches. The sermon was obviously in Korean, so understood quite a lot. But, there was a lovely young Vietnamese girl there. She helped translate a few things for me. She also told me she really liked me, she could sense the good in me. She said her dream was to marry an Australian, but she wasn't after a passport or anything. How Charming. I think I'm falling for her.

We are going to meet this weekend to pray together.

See you later alligator

The D man

A Busy Thankyou!*%*

Just a short post today, between classes. I am very busy since swallowing some of Kay's load. 16 classes a day to be precise. He only does 5 now, but you know me, anything to help an old friend.

I just wanted to say a big thankyou to all of you who read and comment on this site. Without you we are nothing.

A special mention goes to the following people:

Jack Spratt
Ulyses
The Sokcho Sicko (tone it down a bit please?)
John Bull

and

David Boddington (www.staypuff.net)

I love you all.

Also a special note to those blogs that continue to inspire.

www.Staypuff.net
Andy in Korea and his brother
Rebecca
3BT

and

Alex Gregory.

Right, back to class.

Peace

The D man

New Way GOOK

There's a newish foreigner in town. I say newish, because he's 38, not exactly new if you get my drift?

His name is Block. He is from South Africa.

I think I might have to kick his arse, soon. Already, he has started marching around like he owns the place. Jerk.
Might be time to put by Kaetwando skills into practice.

Being South African, he is obviously racist, he doesn't like me because I'm practically Korean, I can tell.
Yesterday, he asked me why all Koreans eat rice. I told him I didn't think that kind of question was necessary or approriate.

Damn. He's here now!

Better go.

Au revoir

The D Man

Seasons in the Sun, Rain, Snow and Wind!

The thing about Korea is, it's the only place in the world that has four distinct seasons:

Winter

Summer

Autumn

Spring

Coming from WA, where it's Winter all the time, I'm not used to this.

Today, Winter started. It may snow soon. I thought it I saw snow a couple of weeks ago, but my co-teacher assured me that it does not snow in Autumn in Korea, it's impossible. I wonder why the mountains were white? Cherry blossom???? Maybe?

Winter means only one thing, SAD; which stands for getting sad in the Winter. I get sad in the winter, do you? I hope not. I can't ride my bike anymore, it's too cold. Yesterday, I tried to ride it and my eyelids froze shut. It was really dangerous, I was going at 5mph!!! IN top gear. My bike keeps on making strange sounds, I think the engine might be going, I can't understand why?

Ciao for now

The D man

Embracing Diversity!*

I love difference.
I love gays.
I love blacks.
I love Asians, even the Japanese.
I love learning about new cultures. I think integrating with new cultures makes us better, it also makes us appreciate our own culture in a different way.

BUT.

But, there is a problem.Everybody is integrating. This means that the difference bewtween cultures is diminishing. How can we celebrate diversity if everybody is the same?

I have a few proposals to help maintain our uniqueness.

1. Travel bans. Don't allow people to travel to other countries for a short period of time, say,10 years.Or only let people travel by foot.

2. Apartheid. People knock it, but it kept a unique diversity in South Africa.

3. Gay towns. Have towns where only gays can go.

Does anybody else have any suggestions on how we can keep people unique?

The D Man (who else?)

The D man's 3 Beautifully Things!?!

I just had a really original idea for my post. I'm going to list three things I find beautiful. I don't think anyone has done this before, have they?

1. Having so many female friends. Not many straight(ish) males like myself are fortunate to have so many close female companions. I think it makes me a much betterer person, a more rounded individual. I don't think most men have the maturity to spend so much time amongst the fairer sex. I feel infinitely blessed.

2. Blogging. Blogging is important to me, because even when I have nothing to say, I have something to say and when nobody whats to hear me, somebody wants to hear me. You catch my drift? It's circular logic, like the bible.

3. That blank space in your mind. It always comes when I'm trying to think of a third beautiful thing and frustrates me. But, I've now realised that, it is, in it's self, quite a beautiful thing. I love turning negatives 360 degrees so they are facing the opposite way and don't bother me anymore.

The D man

Chanchthebadman: The End of Shame

I see people who've inspired this blog, and also people who contribute to this blog, are still having embarrassing moments. It's as though they've gone back to the high school showers, boney with hairless dicks, and spontaneous erections. I find it sickening that grown men still feel a sense of shame when they accidently drink urine or when their would-be lovers find a condom they've "shamelessly" stolen from a hotel room.

There was a time--long ago--when I was emabrrassed. I'm not ashamed to admit it because it was in 1973, after two tours with a special forces unit in vietman, where we partolled the Mekong delta. We were all ashamed then--ashamed of our individual actions, the actions of our counrty, the monstrous bombs, and the horrifying screams of young orphans who sat next to headless, mangled parents: the dead look so terribly dead when their dead.

I was a long-haul trucker for some time after I was discharged. Those were the days before the crank freaks and the kiddie porn addicts, the days where you could drive from new york to san francisco without stopping because you kept our own logs and knew your own limitations. Once, I drove for three days without stopping, from Austin to St. Paul, from St. Paul to Miami, and from Miami to San Diego. Sheryl Lynn was waiting for me in Sad Diego. Her old man'd ended up on the wrong end of an AK 47 during the tet offensive, so I kept her warm on nights when I was in town and she couldn't sleep alone. She was drinking a lot, then, and cried in her sleep. I remember the way she sobbed, how her contorted face shone in the moon light, and she moaned, "jim jim jim no no jim no jim oh jim." And then, as if she were realizing her loss for the first time, she'd break into child-like, histerical sobs.

Jim was an old battle buddy of mine. We were in the same unit. He died in my arms. His last words were, "Tell sheryl Lynn I love her." I told her. I wanted to tell her I loved her, too, but I couldn't betray jim.

Once, while I was driving through nebraska, just outside of Kearny, and it was may, and the corn fields had recently been turned, I decided to stop my rig and take an air bath. I'd been taking air baths since I'd gotten back from nam. On the me kong delta, I'd developed a severe aversion to water, due to the high volume of dead people I'd seen in the river, so I drank whiskey for my thirst and took air baths for my hygene.

The moon was full. The road was empty. The field was so black and empty that if a person screamed there'd be no echo or response. I took off my clothes, and my toes sunk in the warm earth. I sat down and stared into the nothingness and saw the faces of the people I'd killed. My body shone blue in the moonlight. Then I stated thinking about Sheryl Lynn and I got an erection. I looked at my shadow and saw that my penis cast a small one, and I couldn't help but think that my love-making wasn't what I thought it was, having a erect penis that cast such a small shadow. That was the last time I was embarrassed. I haven't had sex since.

I put on my clothes and walked bact to my rig. I turned on the radio when I was on the road, and I heard a long-distance dedication. It was from a woman named Sherly Lynn to a man named chancho, "Keep on trucking baby, Keep on trucking." And the song she dedicated began to play. I knew I'd never see her again.

Roll on daddy
roll on through
roll on daddy
till I get back to you
roll on 18 wheeler
roll on . . . . .

Exiguous Posting!

Wednesday 9st November 2006

Got up on the wrong end of the bed this morning, i (small i's today, i don't feel important enough to use big I's) think. Every little thing seems to be going wrong.

First of all, i stood on my pet cactus, Makali. I knew it was a mistake to leave her at the bottom of my bed.

Then, i went to get a drink of orange juice, only to find it had been left out of the fridge. Disaster! I hate luke-warm OJ! I took a swig anyway, it turned out to be urine, the toilet was obviously broken last night and Kay had to go somewhere. The orange bottle with my name on the side mus thave been the only place he could find. The old wag!

Then, then, I found out my heroine Britney, has filed for divorce. I hate it when families break up, it brings back painful memories.

Now, I hear the Republicans are going to win the American election and George Bush is going to stay in power. Another disaster, especially for all those poor kiddies dying in Iran.

OH! The misery.

The D Man.


P.s. Sometimes, it feels like i'm the only one who bothers.

The attitude of some of the other people who are supposed to contribute to this site on a regular basis, frankly, consternates me. Despite my problems, I go out of my way to post as often as possible; I believe my input is witty, pertinent, thought provoking, applicable, apropos, germane and completely relevant. I never make the same point twice and I never linger on an issue, in order to pad out another meaningless, mindless, pointless, insignificant rant, as some people do.

Simon and El Rey, this post is specifically aimed at you. When was the last time you contributed? Can you look at yourself in the mirror and say my recent contributions have been sufficient, adequete or even passable?

I don't think you can. So, you better sort yourselves out, quick smart.

...and Bloggers Shall Inherit the Earth.

It seems to me, that a revolution is taking place. Not a dramatic revolution, like Metrosexuality. A quiet revolution. One, that ulimately, could become more important than anything that has preceded it, apart from the legalisation of homosexuality. (not that I'm gay)

Election turnouts are decreasing, people are reading less books, friends are socialising in public much less, sports clubs are reporting a loss in membership, newspaper's are losing readers. Why is this?

One reason.

Bloggers. We have become the most relevant people in the world, almost overnight. What we write transcends borders, it unites people, let's lonely people realise they will never walk alone. Best of all, nobody judges you in cyberspace. You can be gay (David), obese (David), lesbian (Rebecca (and David)), retarded (David), dyslexic (David), deluded (Andy in Korea and his brother) (and David), socially inept (David), useless with women (David) etc and so on. But, you know what? It really doesn't matter, because we, the bloggers love you.

We want to, NO, we need to know, what you had for breakfast, how many different kinds of chicken you put on your barbecue, how long your baggage takes at the airport. These simple things matter.

Bloggers, you really are special. I love you all.

Soon, everybody will be a blogger. We won't have to meet in public, anymore. We can embellish our whole experience. We can live the life we wish we actually were living. Why would you not want that? Ok, it may not be real. But, what is reality? Why can't it exist inside a computer?

All hail David, King of the Bloggers: Inspiration to millions.

The D man

My Most Embbarrassed MOment by David!!

Probably one of the single most embarrassing things happened to me today. One of those moments where you just want to hide and not be seen until all parties concerned have forgotten all about it. Which in this case may not be likely.
I organized a small barbeque today for a couple of my friends, one of which I’m quite interested in and I’ve been getting close to over the last few weeks. If you’re a regular reader, and most of you are, you’re probably well aware of who I’m referring to (please check to the wedding entry from last week). So these two girls come up to my apartment on the pretense of some fine cooked barbeque chicken that I’m about to serve them. I got up early in the morning (well, 8am is early for a Sunday), cleaned the apartment, and prepared a couple of different salads as well as 3 different styles of chicken; Tandoori, Teriyaki, and Spanish paprika.
None of these styles have ever had any success with my Korean friends. Actually, I don’t think any barbeque food except from galbi, bulgogi, and bacon, would get approval from the Korean palate. Its just one of those things. The Aussie barbie of snaggers and steaks certainly wouldn’t get the thumbs up, although I’m sure most Korean people would be amazed that one person could actually consume a whole steak and not have to share it with 3 other family members or friends. The prospect of cooking for 2 Chinese people seemed less daunting. If I know anything about Chinese people its that they do enjoy a good diversity of food (as evident by my trip to China).
Keeping a long story short, before the barbeque the girls were quite interested in looking at some of my older photos from Korea, China, Japan, and North Korea. I was only happy to oblige and pulled out the old photo album from the bottom of my draw of crappy travel things I collect whenever I’m traveling. We’re looking through the photos when all of a sudden, with my head looking the other way I hear a, "/952;아?", loosely meaning, ‘What’s this?’. I turn around and see one of the girls holding a small, slim, cardboard condom packet with the word, ’spermicide’ on it with a very ill-clad dressed woman on the front with one of those ’sexy’ poses.
I think my eyes shot open and I quickly took it off her, gave a very meek ‘haha’, and completely started talking about something entirely different. I don’t remember what I talked about but I just pretended as if they have never seen it and that the whole episode never happened. I can’t be certain if the girls knew exactly what is was, I’m fairly confident ’spermicide’ isn’t in too many English learning books, and I’m not too sure they looked at the picture long enough to make any conclusions.
They didn’t say anything, and nor did I, and for that I was so very grateful.
Now what is a condom doing in my photo album I hear you asking? Well like I said, the photo album was in my travel draw, and when you stay in certain motels you’re given complimentary condoms. Now I figure that I pay for these little extras when I make a reservation and pay my bill, so I’m entitled to take then, regardless if whether or not I intend to use them (God only hope I do!). Put it this way, I’ve never heard anyone complain about having too many condoms. So anyway, after traveling at some point I must have thrown them in the drawer and one must have slipped into my album.
Really, completely innocent!

Hmm… there’s the slight chance she may have thought I was implying something by planting it there?
I-ee-go!
4 Comments »
LOL
how embarrassing.
Comment by lori — 5/11/2006 - Sunday @ 11:55 pm
The difficult thing is not knowing if they worked out what they found … and you can’t really ask about it, that’d only heighten their curiousity. What a shame it wasn’t a small soap, a sewing kit or some other kind of hotel freebie.
Comment by Rodney Olsen — 6/11/2006 - Monday @ 7:03 am
I’m sure you’re more embarrassed then need be! Don’t stress it… if she were REALLY offended, she would have left! I would have laughed and explained the whole situation to her (as best as I could) at least that way, she can’t accuse you of being a dirty pervert.. much.. (joking!).Can you please email me when you have a moment? I’m keen to find out when you’re home/if you have time to catch up for dinner while home…. Luv P to tha Aris xxx
Comment by Paris — 6/11/2006 - Monday @ 8:26 am
Lori: I could feel my face turning red at the time.
Rodney: Only fate would give ME the condom. I’m not lucky enough (with women anyway) for soap or a toothbrush!
Paris: Maybe this timid little girl DOES want me to be a pervert? Muwhahaha! Yeah, I’ll drop you an email soon, closer to when I leave.
Comment by David — 6/11/2006 - Monday @ 9:22 am

Photo from home

This is a photo of my father and my cousin at Dads birthday party.

I was so excited to see it this morning that I thought i'd share it with you all.

Happy birthday Dad

Simon

Im a vegetarian!!!!!

I have just got back from a lovely lunch with my new friend BongPoo who i've kind of being "seeing" lately.
BongPoo and I met a week or so ago and have been exchanging a number of texts since, mostly along the lines of
me: Bongpoo babo
her: no! simon babo!

its been very sweet and a lot of fun, so today we decided to have our first lunch "date" at kimbop lovenest a delightful place downtown
not knowing what to order i asked BP (bongpoo) what she would like, to which she replied
"anything without meat, Im a vegetarian"
I dont know why but i told her that i was a vegetarian too
instantly i could see a positive reaction in her eyes and a close bond was instantly forged
I've always been of the opinion that it is far better to be exactly what a woman wants as opposes to being oneself, this is one of the reasons why i have so many close relationships with women that sadly other men miss out on.

So now I'm a vegetarian, and I think its just what ive needed.
I've been looking for something that would make me stand out from the crowd,
(apparently being a nice sensitive guy, celine dion fan and blog writer doesnt cut it in todays world)
I do enjoy meat though so I've decided to continue eating the "yummy" meats like sausages, spam, sandwich ham, luncheon sausage etc
my reasoning for this is that fresh meats are more meaty than processed meat and processed meat is like not really meat anyway
I explained my meat eating philosophy to BP and she looked a little confused (language barrier *sigh*) but i think she understood my reasoning.
its a little like the modern muslim philosophy of getting drunk on beer every now and then
suffizing of its to say i AM now a vegetarian but i can still enjoy the odd ham and cheese sandwich without feeling bad about it

on another note you may have noticed that SOMEBODY has been inpersonating myself and other members of this community in the comments section
I'm not going to dwell on this issue, there have been mention of monitoring comments but everybody else voted against that
when reading just ask yourself "would simon say that?" and if you know me well enough then you'll know the answer
theres always that small portion of the world that just have to ruin the experience for everybody i guess

have a smashing day

Simon

Andy my Hero

Andy in Korea

making it look easy

www.andyinkorea.blogspot.com