My Most Embbarrassed MOment by David!!
Probably one of the single most embarrassing things happened to me today. One of those moments where you just want to hide and not be seen until all parties concerned have forgotten all about it. Which in this case may not be likely.
I organized a small barbeque today for a couple of my friends, one of which I’m quite interested in and I’ve been getting close to over the last few weeks. If you’re a regular reader, and most of you are, you’re probably well aware of who I’m referring to (please check to the wedding entry from last week). So these two girls come up to my apartment on the pretense of some fine cooked barbeque chicken that I’m about to serve them. I got up early in the morning (well, 8am is early for a Sunday), cleaned the apartment, and prepared a couple of different salads as well as 3 different styles of chicken; Tandoori, Teriyaki, and Spanish paprika.
None of these styles have ever had any success with my Korean friends. Actually, I don’t think any barbeque food except from galbi, bulgogi, and bacon, would get approval from the Korean palate. Its just one of those things. The Aussie barbie of snaggers and steaks certainly wouldn’t get the thumbs up, although I’m sure most Korean people would be amazed that one person could actually consume a whole steak and not have to share it with 3 other family members or friends. The prospect of cooking for 2 Chinese people seemed less daunting. If I know anything about Chinese people its that they do enjoy a good diversity of food (as evident by my trip to China).
Keeping a long story short, before the barbeque the girls were quite interested in looking at some of my older photos from Korea, China, Japan, and North Korea. I was only happy to oblige and pulled out the old photo album from the bottom of my draw of crappy travel things I collect whenever I’m traveling. We’re looking through the photos when all of a sudden, with my head looking the other way I hear a, "/952;아?", loosely meaning, ‘What’s this?’. I turn around and see one of the girls holding a small, slim, cardboard condom packet with the word, ’spermicide’ on it with a very ill-clad dressed woman on the front with one of those ’sexy’ poses.
I think my eyes shot open and I quickly took it off her, gave a very meek ‘haha’, and completely started talking about something entirely different. I don’t remember what I talked about but I just pretended as if they have never seen it and that the whole episode never happened. I can’t be certain if the girls knew exactly what is was, I’m fairly confident ’spermicide’ isn’t in too many English learning books, and I’m not too sure they looked at the picture long enough to make any conclusions.
They didn’t say anything, and nor did I, and for that I was so very grateful.
Now what is a condom doing in my photo album I hear you asking? Well like I said, the photo album was in my travel draw, and when you stay in certain motels you’re given complimentary condoms. Now I figure that I pay for these little extras when I make a reservation and pay my bill, so I’m entitled to take then, regardless if whether or not I intend to use them (God only hope I do!). Put it this way, I’ve never heard anyone complain about having too many condoms. So anyway, after traveling at some point I must have thrown them in the drawer and one must have slipped into my album.
Really, completely innocent!
Hmm… there’s the slight chance she may have thought I was implying something by planting it there?
I-ee-go!
4 Comments »
LOL
how embarrassing.
Comment by lori — 5/11/2006 - Sunday @ 11:55 pm
The difficult thing is not knowing if they worked out what they found … and you can’t really ask about it, that’d only heighten their curiousity. What a shame it wasn’t a small soap, a sewing kit or some other kind of hotel freebie.
Comment by Rodney Olsen — 6/11/2006 - Monday @ 7:03 am
I’m sure you’re more embarrassed then need be! Don’t stress it… if she were REALLY offended, she would have left! I would have laughed and explained the whole situation to her (as best as I could) at least that way, she can’t accuse you of being a dirty pervert.. much.. (joking!).Can you please email me when you have a moment? I’m keen to find out when you’re home/if you have time to catch up for dinner while home…. Luv P to tha Aris xxx
Comment by Paris — 6/11/2006 - Monday @ 8:26 am
Lori: I could feel my face turning red at the time.
Rodney: Only fate would give ME the condom. I’m not lucky enough (with women anyway) for soap or a toothbrush!
Paris: Maybe this timid little girl DOES want me to be a pervert? Muwhahaha! Yeah, I’ll drop you an email soon, closer to when I leave.
Comment by David — 6/11/2006 - Monday @ 9:22 am
I organized a small barbeque today for a couple of my friends, one of which I’m quite interested in and I’ve been getting close to over the last few weeks. If you’re a regular reader, and most of you are, you’re probably well aware of who I’m referring to (please check to the wedding entry from last week). So these two girls come up to my apartment on the pretense of some fine cooked barbeque chicken that I’m about to serve them. I got up early in the morning (well, 8am is early for a Sunday), cleaned the apartment, and prepared a couple of different salads as well as 3 different styles of chicken; Tandoori, Teriyaki, and Spanish paprika.
None of these styles have ever had any success with my Korean friends. Actually, I don’t think any barbeque food except from galbi, bulgogi, and bacon, would get approval from the Korean palate. Its just one of those things. The Aussie barbie of snaggers and steaks certainly wouldn’t get the thumbs up, although I’m sure most Korean people would be amazed that one person could actually consume a whole steak and not have to share it with 3 other family members or friends. The prospect of cooking for 2 Chinese people seemed less daunting. If I know anything about Chinese people its that they do enjoy a good diversity of food (as evident by my trip to China).
Keeping a long story short, before the barbeque the girls were quite interested in looking at some of my older photos from Korea, China, Japan, and North Korea. I was only happy to oblige and pulled out the old photo album from the bottom of my draw of crappy travel things I collect whenever I’m traveling. We’re looking through the photos when all of a sudden, with my head looking the other way I hear a, "/952;아?", loosely meaning, ‘What’s this?’. I turn around and see one of the girls holding a small, slim, cardboard condom packet with the word, ’spermicide’ on it with a very ill-clad dressed woman on the front with one of those ’sexy’ poses.
I think my eyes shot open and I quickly took it off her, gave a very meek ‘haha’, and completely started talking about something entirely different. I don’t remember what I talked about but I just pretended as if they have never seen it and that the whole episode never happened. I can’t be certain if the girls knew exactly what is was, I’m fairly confident ’spermicide’ isn’t in too many English learning books, and I’m not too sure they looked at the picture long enough to make any conclusions.
They didn’t say anything, and nor did I, and for that I was so very grateful.
Now what is a condom doing in my photo album I hear you asking? Well like I said, the photo album was in my travel draw, and when you stay in certain motels you’re given complimentary condoms. Now I figure that I pay for these little extras when I make a reservation and pay my bill, so I’m entitled to take then, regardless if whether or not I intend to use them (God only hope I do!). Put it this way, I’ve never heard anyone complain about having too many condoms. So anyway, after traveling at some point I must have thrown them in the drawer and one must have slipped into my album.
Really, completely innocent!
Hmm… there’s the slight chance she may have thought I was implying something by planting it there?
I-ee-go!
4 Comments »
LOL
how embarrassing.
Comment by lori — 5/11/2006 - Sunday @ 11:55 pm
The difficult thing is not knowing if they worked out what they found … and you can’t really ask about it, that’d only heighten their curiousity. What a shame it wasn’t a small soap, a sewing kit or some other kind of hotel freebie.
Comment by Rodney Olsen — 6/11/2006 - Monday @ 7:03 am
I’m sure you’re more embarrassed then need be! Don’t stress it… if she were REALLY offended, she would have left! I would have laughed and explained the whole situation to her (as best as I could) at least that way, she can’t accuse you of being a dirty pervert.. much.. (joking!).Can you please email me when you have a moment? I’m keen to find out when you’re home/if you have time to catch up for dinner while home…. Luv P to tha Aris xxx
Comment by Paris — 6/11/2006 - Monday @ 8:26 am
Lori: I could feel my face turning red at the time.
Rodney: Only fate would give ME the condom. I’m not lucky enough (with women anyway) for soap or a toothbrush!
Paris: Maybe this timid little girl DOES want me to be a pervert? Muwhahaha! Yeah, I’ll drop you an email soon, closer to when I leave.
Comment by David — 6/11/2006 - Monday @ 9:22 am
posted by Bar Bar Butt @ 9:51 PM
5 Comments:
At 10:24 PM,
Bar Bar Butt said…
I think David has come up with a great idea. Let's all share our most embarrassing moments.
Here's mine:
I was working undercover in Tehran. Pretending to be an energy company executive, when in reality I was working for MI6, scoping out the Iranian nuclear program.
I had been invited to a very elite party. Basically, everybody, who was anybody in the Ayatollah's opinion was there. Including lot's of scantily (don't believe what you hear about Arab girls covering up.) clad young Iranian girls.
Everything was going well, until about half way through the evening, when my stomach started to wretch. I knew what was coming, I had been wolfing down Chelow Kabab all night, I'm sure you are all aware what a mistake this is.
I charged to the bathroom, I was moving faster than a Mexican dodging the Texas Militia. I got there in time to drop my trousers, which were quickly followed by the contents of my gut. Ring sting!
Oh, what relief!
It was only then that I heard the giggles and angelic female voices from the next cubicle. I was in the ladies latrines. Parp! My insides were still fast becoming my outsides and at quite a volume.
Now, in the Western world, this would be embarrassing, but could easily be explained, with only minor loss of dignity. In Iran, this was a life threatening situation.
I quickly tried to recall my training, but this was the one thing I hadn't been trained for. I'd been trained for everything else, how to conceal your disgust at French women's armpits, how to understand a drunk Irish man, why not this?
Parp! Gurgle!
Knock, Knock.
It must have been then that I fainted. The next thing I remember; my hands were bound with leather and I was stretched out like an amputee-starfish on the wall at the top of the main hall. Wrapped only in a slender loin cloth, that was barely covering my immense modesty.
My punishment, 100 whips. In front of the whole American oil delegation.
Although I did escape lightly. The homosexual who followed me, recieved 200 whips before being buried alive.
How embarrassing.
Now it's your turn. Tell us about your most embarrassing moment.
Bar Bar
At 10:57 PM,
Anonymous said…
Paris, I'm coming to Perth soon. Could you "Enterain" me?
I know you're touting for business. If, you only wanted to speak to David you could have just sent him an e-mail. Either that, or your own inflated ego suggests to you, that your opinion might actually be of interest to anybody.
At 11:09 PM,
Anonymous said…
David, I feel sympathy for you. If I was a 14 year old school girl trapped inside the body of an overweight Australian, I'd have felt incredibly embarrassed, too.
At 11:43 PM,
Anonymous said…
David.... doesnt the fact that you're not sure if they knew what a condom was sound off a siren in your head that you shouldnt be trying to diddle young students who are just trying to learn English?
At 1:54 AM,
Anonymous said…
David, they knew what it was, you should have pinned them both against the wall and started rubbing your hardness against their pussies. They just want it man! You truly are a homo.
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