David and The Lingering Sadness...

Waking up next to somebody you think you know cares!

2007-03-04T19:39:00.000-08:00

I hope I think, I know she cares. There she was resplendent in her beautiful orangeness; what a sight to wake up to; she rolled and touched her solarplexus; oh; how I wish she'd touched me; then she lent over and whispered something in my hear; she had a voice that felt like childs tear drops falling on an armadillo. "You droppy key in sleepy." She cared: I meant something to her; and with that; she was gone; Gone like a childs tear drops in the ocean; gone; gone gone from me, forever.

Why does this happen to me every time I sleep in a Jim Jill bang? WHy? WhY? wHY? why me Lord? why?

The D man.

PS I've been working on my punctuation and syntax. Is it evident?

george hunneycutt

2007-02-25T22:15:00.000-08:00

left my baby at the dmz

I can't help but think
of the time
we must have been
only 17
and the hangul had
barley passed our lips
before we kissed
in the shadow of the
royal palace
on that busy street
in seoul
briefly, because
I was a prince
and even in my clever
disguise
I feared the spying eyes
of pigeons and roof-top scouts
It seems like yesterday,
but now, we're here
3 months later
and you've betrayed me
with your velvet lies,
stole state secrets
like they were plums
so now I must leave you
here
chained to the fence
as an example to the others
who would betray me
i have to leave you, baby,
at the DMZ

Chanchthebadman: self reflection

2007-02-24T21:25:00.002-08:00

Had a late one last night. I was on my way home from Salt Lake City when I stopped for a coffee and an oil change at the I-80 truck stop. East-bound on my way to Chicago, I had about three and a half hours to make the trip or I'd be marooned at a rest stop somewhere in western Illinois: an 8-hour lay-over in close proximity to the traveling salesmen, RV retirees, perverts, and homos. These days, with rev limiters and electronic logs, it's getting harder and harder to avoid long nights alone in parking lots surrounded by other rigs and kept awake by the sound of their idling engines and the occasional knock on the door from 16-year old lot lizards, who call themselves milkshake and flora, and offer to sit on your face for fifteen or twenty dollars. I don't know why, but it's getting more and more difficult not to be mistaken for a scum bag.

I told the kid at the service station to mind my new floor mats after I gave him the keys to my truck. He said, "No problem Mr. . . ", and then he looked for my name on the service order. When he found it, he paused and looked at me, then said, "No problem, sir." I told him thanks and that I'd be back in an hour. Then I walked across the parking lot to Grandma's Kitchen. I sat up front at the counter and ordered a cup of coffee from a woman who looked about 50 and like she'd seen her share of harsh winters out here on the Iowa plains, maybe seen her share of old truckers, too--in for a night, beat to their socks and road weary, 1000 miles and years and years from home. I've seen women like her all over the counrty, from tampa to fargo, LA to Boston and all the expansive, bleak, echoless, vast space between. I remembered how pretty they all seemed when I was young, just home from nam, but now they all seemed to be getting older. I guess I was getting older, too.

After I finished my coffee, I went to the bathroom, and while I was washing my hands, I looked into the mirror. Under the bright, pale light, I was surprised by my reflection--the lines and scars, wrinkles and crooked bones, and I thought to myself, You are one ugly motherfucker.

I smiled at the waitress as I walked toward the door. She smiled back. When I got to the service station, the kid told me there'd been a problem with the waste-oil container and they wouldn't be able to drain my truck for a few hours. Another night, I thought, another night. I said, Ok kid." And he nodded, and I walked away. I thought about going back to Grandma's Kitchen and asking the waitress what she was doing after her shift was up, but I decided not to, that she'd seen her fair share of old boys like me, and now probably prefered a shower and a cup of coffee to a long night of whiskey shots and country music. I got a bottle and walked to the edge of the truck stop near a barbed wire fence and the miles of farm land beyond. I found a nice spot to sit, and then drank until I got a buzz. Then I saw a storm coming in on the western horizon, so I took off my clothes and jumped the fence, and walked until I found a small measure of peace and comfort on a small patch of grass in the middle of a field, and then the rain came and washed it all away.

Prose poetry

2007-02-24T17:44:00.000-08:00

I've decided to take up prose poetry, the most noble art form. My first attempt is quite small and not very good; it's simply called 'David'

the asphyxiated milk cow, stole
the sunset, the scarecrow was
not impressed, by this show of
tmesis and impudence, float

away... away? waddle and
dotage, verbose until the
merging at the end of
the world, biodegradeable

the chanch and I mutilated
we fled and dined as the
gibous daring moon, was
as the natives say, erect!

The D man...

Please add your own verses.

David's Back

2007-02-13T20:22:00.000-08:00

I don't think David will mind me showing this photo I took of him in Perth.

A Lingering Absence or kNowing Somebody Cares shrug

2007-02-13T19:32:00.000-08:00

It's been a long, long, loooooooooong time, I know.

First off, let me say a happy Chrimbo and merry new year (do you like the twist) to all those in the blogosphere. I've missed you one and all. I hope you've missed my merry ramblings.

Now, the excuses. I spent a month back home in Perth, catching up with the family and friend. While I was there I spent a lot of time with fellow Western Australian bloggers; some of the raddest people you'll meet. A big shout out to David. David was everything I hoped he'd be and so much more besides. Loving, caring, charming, witty, funny etc and so on. Please David, take my advice, let it out, tell the world. You'll feel much more comfortable when everybody knows. *hugs*

On my way back to Korea I decided to stop off at Dokdo and spent a week there, exploring the island and checking out the local cuisine, it really was a unique experience. Then, I spent some time in a Buddhist temple, meditating, until the Buddhists chased me out, I think they found out I'm a Muslim.

Then, I fell off my pushbike, doing a staggering 5mph, I've been in a hospital for a month. The nurse came in everyday and asked me "How are you?" It was the only English she knew, but it's nice to know somebody truly cares about you.

Sorry to compress so much action into on short post pictures to follow.

May the force be with you.

The D man

PS new favourite Vloggers - www.jonoandamanda.com

davids back

2007-01-12T19:48:00.000-08:00

Thursday, January 11th, 2007
Cleaning the bike, and doing business on the phone.
Written by: David @ 10:51 am
I had a rather miserable day yesterday feeling sorry for myself with my cold. It seems only fair I can be that way when I’m sick. It validates all the discomfort I’m having. Today however I’m feeling a lot better after a much improved sleep and I already feel the cold started to wear off.
When I’m sick I like to do things to keep my mind off it, so in the morning I went down to give my motorbike a wash. I’ve never washed it before, seeing as it never gets that dirty with frequent use. I haven’t ridden it in over a month so it was looking very old and dusty and in dire need of some attention. Jay suggested I drive it to one of the car cleaning places, but seeing how cold it was, and me being in no mood to start riding my bike in below freezing temperatures, I settled for a small tub of warm water and a wash cloth.
Surprisingly enough, that’s all it needed and it came up looking, and sparkling, extremely well. Tomorrow I’ll take it for a ride seeing as I need to go to the taekwondo academy to drop off a few things there.
After washing my bike I decided I needed to do some cooking, so I promptly made some tuna patties for dinner. Not your dodgy, crappy ones either, but decent ones full of spices and herbs. They turned out good, Jay couldn’t get enough of them.
I then got an interesting call from a Korean women on my cell phone. At first I didn’t know what she wanted, but then I heard the word ‘Meritz’, which is the name of my insurance company for my motorbike. My insurance had run out yesterday, so I had planned today to get it renewed. Anyway, she didn’t speak a word of English so, as you can imagine, our conversation wasn’t going so well. I said enough to ensure her that I would be going to City Hall tomorrow to pay for it and that everything was ok. She seemed happy with that and hung up.
It was a bad conversation, she was patient enough with me on the phone, but just talked too fast for me to keep up.
So anyway, half way through the working day I’m told that a lady was at the reception area wanting to see me. Sure enough it was the insurance woman with all her paperwork. Thankfully I had withdrawn the money for the insurance earlier that day, 141,000 won (~$141USD), and paid up there and then. She was laughing a lot about our telephone conversation and remarked how good my Korean was. I thanked her, and she made a few more comments and laughed, none of which I understood.
So I just laughed too.
And that was that.

Still

2006-12-07T21:35:00.000-08:00

I think I've got a virus. Most likely a slow manifestation of the flu. Everything always drags out when it comes to me. If I have a cold instead of it lasting a week, it drags out for 3 weeks. It's shitty. So I'm feeling exhausted. All my muscles are aching and cramping. Makes it hard to work. My chest has random sore spasms. Yeah that's great when I'm carrying heavy things at work. Real good.For once I just wish I could sleep like a normal person does. Sick or not I don't get enough sleep. Most times it doesn't bug me. People always exclaim that they couldn't live this way. What way is that? It's the only way I've ever known. In my entire life there's only a few ocassions where I can remember having a really good sleep, a sleep that I awoke refreshed and ready to start the day.

Simon

I'm Disappointed

2006-12-06T06:25:00.000-08:00

There are two people in my life that have been disappointing me lately.
The first person is making a stupid mistake. They know what they’re doing is wrong, yet they still do it. In the end someone, probably two people, are going to end up getting very hurt. I suppose its a matter of greed and weakness, but that isn’t an excuse. When you care for someone you don’t make bad choices like this, which I can only conclude indicates that this person really doesn’t feel as strongly about the other person as they care to believe. You can sugar coat it and make all the excuses in the world, at the end of the day its just plain wrong.
I’m not sure how I feel knowing full well what’s happening and not doing anything to stop it. It doesn’t feel right. Its really none of my business.
Second, and not entirely isolated from the first case, is that I don’t understand why a person would say a thing that they should know full well is going to hurt someone, only to repeat the same dose again a few days later. It can’t be stupidity, it really can’t, so it has me thinking that it might be something else.
The reality check from the other day really didn’t sink in all that well. If there’s any stupidity then its highly probable its on my behalf.
If anything it puts a whole dampener on the ‘trust’ thing, or at least my perception of it.
People just continue to disappoint.

Simon

Damn head cold.

2006-12-05T18:48:00.000-08:00

Wednesday, December 6th, 2006
Written by: David @ 9:14 am
The last couple of days I’ve been suffering from one of those annoying head colds where everything in my head feels blocked. My is completely blocked off, and this morning I woke with a thumping headache to go along with it. After work in the morning, I went to the local pharmacy and bought some medication that I know is going to help, Actifed. For me its a powerful acting drug that clear my nose to some degree and gives a little relief from colds.
However, one of the side effects of Actifed is that it makes me become terrible irritable. I posted about it the last time I took it earlier this year. So I spent the day being miserable, not talking to anyone, and doing my darn best not to fall asleep. Of course almost every single class I had I did fall asleep, even if only for a few minutes, as a result most of my classes were a walk in the park for the students.
This morning I woke up feeling more congested so I popped in another tablet. I don’t enjoy taking them, but I don’t feel I have too much of a choice now.
And I want to go back to sleep now.
[Comments (0)]

A wonderful 24 hours.

2006-12-04T07:48:00.000-08:00

Saturday, December 2nd, 2006
Written by: David @ 11:25 pm
What a fucking awesome 24 hours I’ve had. Last night I went out with Aaron and my taekwondo teacher for a bit of Korean barbeque, some flavored soju, and some beer. While that in itself is nothing spectacular we managed to meet a couple of new foreigners in Andong who, apparently, had been living here for the past 7 or so months and not really met too many other foreigners. We talked for a few hours and they seem like nice people, so we exchanged numbers and we’ll catch up sometime next week for a meal.
I actually plan on organizing a little get together sometime this week before I head off to Australia on Saturday. Nothing big, just a few friends, and as it would seem, a couple of new friends too.
After our beers we walked home and noticed that it had snowed, lightly, but enough for significant amounts to have accumulated on car and roof tops. Being the juvenile so-and-so that I am I could resist making snowballs and pounding my taekwondo teacher and Aaron, of which they both fought back. And of course the night wouldn’t be complete without writing swear words in the snow on cars, both in English and Korean. Oh well, nice to see my youth hasn’t left me completely.
Today I got up latish, had a nice warm shower and went out to do a bit of shopping. As I had mentioned before I had planned on taking the girl out to a fancy restaurant out of town. After consulting with all my Korean friends, they told me that perhaps it wasn’t a good idea to rely on taxis getting there and back. Aside from costing a small fortune, you couldn’t guarantee that they would actually take me there to begin with.
So we spent the afternoon listening to music in the apartment before going out later on for a Japanese sushi meal (conveyor belt food!). She also, surprisingly, bought me a whole bunch of gifts for Christmas. I had told her before that I would bring her back something nice from Australia when I got back, and still plan to. I did buy her some very expensive chocolates and half a dozen beautiful roses. She was impressed.
We spent the rest of the night watching a movie and enjoying each other’s company.
You can just feel something in the air…
Tomorrow I have no plans. So I’m going to see if my cash card is working, for whatever reason I couldn’t take any money out tonight from the ATM, so its a bit of a concern.
Umm… and I might see her again… *going red*
6 Comments »
Hi David!Well, I believe this is my first comment on your blog, and I am quite ashamed, because I’ve been reading for at least a year(can’t believe how time flies…!!!)I’ve enjoyed reading all your adventures in Korea (including North) and China. It’s all very interesting to me, I’ve never been to any asian country except a few hours stopovers at airports on the way to Europe!Also of course read about all the ‘girl trouble’, and have wanted to make comments sometimes, but first of all it’s all quite personal of course, and secondly, I met my husband at 16, and am still happy with him 8 years later, ha ha, so I am very lucky indeed, and well, it’s a bit to easy for me to say something like ‘don’t worry, it’ll all work itself out!!Anyway….. congrats on ‘the girl’, and I hope it keeps going very well for you! And enjoy the trip back to Perth, and I see you have my blog in your sidebar (thanks!), so hopefully you’ll have plenty of fun stuff to do!Will you be here for the bloggers meetup, it’s on the 13th? You should go, and so should every other Perth blogger reading this :p I was thinking of skipping for once (have been to all in the last 6 or so months!), but it’s too much fun, and I never have anything on a Wednesday night anyway….
so, maybe seeyou!And otherwise have a great holiday!And now I’ve gotten past the hurdle of this first comment(silly me), I’ll leave a comment more often!:)
Simone
Comment by Simone — 3/12/2006 - Sunday @ 3:50 pm
No writing your name in the snow? You’ve obviously graduated beyond the most juvenile stage….
Comment by daeguowl — 3/12/2006 - Sunday @ 10:04 pm
Simone: Thanks for leaving a comment. Its always nice to have some feedback or hear what other people have to say regarding my posts and their own personal experience. Please feel free to leave as many as you like.
DaeguOwl: Only took 28 years…
Comment by David — 3/12/2006 - Sunday @ 10:35 pm
Woa! I remember when you were 23 turning 24!!! what the?!?! I feel really old! Though I know you’d definatley remember me turning 19 too!! (and I’m almost 24 now!! holy cow!). Funny thing - I don’t feel any different from when I was 20 (aside from perhaps my weight. Meh) do you feel like that?
Glad to hear you had a lovely weekend/date! Roses and chocolates! How romantic! I’m so jealous!
Comment by Paris — 4/12/2006 - Monday @ 8:10 am
Paris: All girls deserve roses and chocolates And yeah, I am an old git. Then again, only as old as the girl ……
Comment by David — 4/12/2006 - Monday @ 10:02 am
I shall make note of roses and chocolates and make sure I get them toot sweet!
Comment by Paris — 4/12/2006 - Monday @ 11:15 am

2006-12-03T21:22:00.001-08:00

First Snow of My Life

2006-12-03T20:19:00.000-08:00

Another week rolls around and now its merely 1 week before I head off home. Today, apparently, was also the first snow in Andong. I know this because my Australian friend just outside of Andong sent me an SMS this morning saying so. I quickly looked out the window, and while I didn’t at first see anything, I noticed something small drifting down from the sky. Now it was either a very small snow flake or my eyes were playing tricks on me, but for her sake I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and say it was snow. So here we are, December 1, and the first snow of the season.
My weekend is looking interesting, without being too hectic. I still have a few last minute (week) things I need to do before I head off home, but nothing too urgent. I’ll be traveling light taking only my large backpack and not the suitcase as I did last year. Now that was a hassle on the subways!
On Saturday I’m taking the girlfriend to a nice romantic dinner at a restaurant I know just outside of Andong in Pungsan (풍산, about 20~25 minutes). I plan on going by taxi with her, but getting back may be a different story altogether. I asked one of my Korean friends if you can call a taxi, as you would in Australia, and she said you could, but its very expensive. Not that it would deter me, but I wouldn’t want to pay a huge fee for a short 15 minute ride back into town. I could hire a car, but I don’t have my license and it would cost probably 2 or 3 times more regardless.
The bike is another option, but is that really romantic? And, I don’t really want to ride with someone on the back, its just too dangerous, especially if its going to start snowing on me. I wouldn’t even go into how cold it’ll be!
Sunday, well, I’ll just take that one as it comes. I’m hoping for a relaxing day. Maybe walk around Andong’s small town square and see if there’s any last minute shopping, and catch a movie or two.
Oh, I just saw online that regular Apple iPod earphones are $48. $48!? you’ve got to be joking right?
Today is also Day 1 of the second Test between Australia and England in the cricket. After the first Test (which for the most part was lob-sided) I expect a much improved English performance, so fingers crossed that Australia can start off well. I’ll be getting right back into the cricket when I get home and have already penciled in a few games to watch back home at the WACA.
Ok, time for a nice hot shower!

David

1 Comment »
Now she’s being referred to as “the girlfriend” - the cat is out of the bag.
Apple must use a very expensive brand of white paint for everyone to look like an idiot. Or tosser. Whatever.

Comment by Hammy — 1/12/2006 - Friday @ 8:39 pm

Korean Keyboards

2006-12-03T20:11:00.000-08:00

I got up early this morning with the intent on doing a couple of things. During my hot, morning shower I stood there weighting up the option of going out in the cold, or staying home in my nice, warm apartment. I really didn’t want to go and deal with this silly cold weather (see, I’ve become even more lazy since quitting taekwondo!) but I convinced myself that once I was outside then I’d be alright and be happy that I made the effort.
What I needed to buy was a Korean keyboard that I could use back home while I was back home in Oz (that I mentioned before) and walked down to the road to a computer store. The actual computer store burnt down 2 or 3 months ago, but I do recall seeing a new sign in an adjacent building and figured they had relocated there. They hadn’t, but it was just full of boxes, no doubt left over stock from the burnt shop. The new shop is currently being built and probably won’t be open for another few weeks. That wasn’t going to help me.
So I tried another computer store about 10 minutes in the other direction from my apartment. When I got there I noticed that it was closed, and had only realized it was 10 past 10 in the morning, and most small shops were still closed. Instead of hanging around, seeing as it could open within 5 minutes or a couple of hours depending on how the owner felt, I moved downtown to a computer store that I knew would be open. I popped into a random crap store (one I had never been to but had passed many time before) on the way there, resisted the urge to buy anything (I could have easily walked out with a hundred dollars worth of crap) and managed to pick up a cheap $10 (AUD) keyboard. Nothing special, but it has, as displayed in the picture, Korean characters.
You try typing Korean without them!
The day went relatively quickly. I’d like to personally congratulate our head teacher at the school for, once again, after promising changes to all classes, and giving me a break (for when I do get back from my trip), not delivering in any of them. Not only are we all keeping the same classes, but she’s made changes that have even made some of the other teachers raise their eyebrows. Moving a troublesome student from a small, manageable class, to a large, rowdy class for one. Her reason; she thinks I can manage him better then any other teacher. Pfft. Not in class of 12 missy!
I can’t help but think what the hell she does with her time. Not only did she not make noticeable changes to classes (aside from the one above, questionable at best) but she’s moved a few classes down books when they need to go up. I don’t know, I shouldn’t care, but I do. Hard not to when you see the kids almost every day for the last 2 years.
Oh well.

David

The Weak End is Coming!!!!!!

2006-11-23T18:36:00.000-08:00

Oh! How the weeks fly by when you are teaching seventeen classes a day.

I have major plans for this weak end, involving a special somebody. I can't divulge anything else write now except to say that it's a girl.

Yes, I met somebody new. I decided to go to church the other day to get in touch with my spiritual side. I chose the Catholic church. I hate the Protestant church, they build too big churches. The sermon was obviously in Korean, so understood quite a lot. But, there was a lovely young Vietnamese girl there. She helped translate a few things for me. She also told me she really liked me, she could sense the good in me. She said her dream was to marry an Australian, but she wasn't after a passport or anything. How Charming. I think I'm falling for her.

We are going to meet this weekend to pray together.

See you later alligator

The D man

A Busy Thankyou!%

2006-11-22T21:29:00.000-08:00

Just a short post today, between classes. I am very busy since swallowing some of Kay's load. 16 classes a day to be precise. He only does 5 now, but you know me, anything to help an old friend.

I just wanted to say a big thankyou to all of you who read and comment on this site. Without you we are nothing.

A special mention goes to the following people:

Jack Spratt
Ulyses
The Sokcho Sicko (tone it down a bit please?)
John Bull

and

David Boddington (www.staypuff.net)

I love you all.

Also a special note to those blogs that continue to inspire.

www.Staypuff.net
Andy in Korea and his brother
Rebecca
3BT

and

Alex Gregory.

Right, back to class.

Peace

The D man

New Way GOOK

2006-11-21T18:55:00.000-08:00

There's a newish foreigner in town. I say newish, because he's 38, not exactly new if you get my drift?

His name is Block. He is from South Africa.

I think I might have to kick his arse, soon. Already, he has started marching around like he owns the place. Jerk.
Might be time to put by Kaetwando skills into practice.

Being South African, he is obviously racist, he doesn't like me because I'm practically Korean, I can tell.
Yesterday, he asked me why all Koreans eat rice. I told him I didn't think that kind of question was necessary or approriate.

Damn. He's here now!

Better go.

Au revoir

The D Man

Seasons in the Sun, Rain, Snow and Wind!

2006-11-20T21:53:00.000-08:00

The thing about Korea is, it's the only place in the world that has four distinct seasons:

Winter

Summer

Autumn

Spring

Coming from WA, where it's Winter all the time, I'm not used to this.

Today, Winter started. It may snow soon. I thought it I saw snow a couple of weeks ago, but my co-teacher assured me that it does not snow in Autumn in Korea, it's impossible. I wonder why the mountains were white? Cherry blossom???? Maybe?

Winter means only one thing, SAD; which stands for getting sad in the Winter. I get sad in the winter, do you? I hope not. I can't ride my bike anymore, it's too cold. Yesterday, I tried to ride it and my eyelids froze shut. It was really dangerous, I was going at 5mph!!! IN top gear. My bike keeps on making strange sounds, I think the engine might be going, I can't understand why?

Ciao for now

The D man

Embracing Diversity!*

2006-11-19T17:59:00.000-08:00

I love difference.
I love gays.
I love blacks.
I love Asians, even the Japanese.
I love learning about new cultures. I think integrating with new cultures makes us better, it also makes us appreciate our own culture in a different way.

BUT.

But, there is a problem.Everybody is integrating. This means that the difference bewtween cultures is diminishing. How can we celebrate diversity if everybody is the same?

I have a few proposals to help maintain our uniqueness.

1. Travel bans. Don't allow people to travel to other countries for a short period of time, say,10 years.Or only let people travel by foot.

2. Apartheid. People knock it, but it kept a unique diversity in South Africa.

3. Gay towns. Have towns where only gays can go.

Does anybody else have any suggestions on how we can keep people unique?

The D Man (who else?)

The D man's 3 Beautifully Things!?!

2006-11-12T22:05:00.000-08:00

I just had a really original idea for my post. I'm going to list three things I find beautiful. I don't think anyone has done this before, have they?

1. Having so many female friends. Not many straight(ish) males like myself are fortunate to have so many close female companions. I think it makes me a much betterer person, a more rounded individual. I don't think most men have the maturity to spend so much time amongst the fairer sex. I feel infinitely blessed.

2. Blogging. Blogging is important to me, because even when I have nothing to say, I have something to say and when nobody whats to hear me, somebody wants to hear me. You catch my drift? It's circular logic, like the bible.

3. That blank space in your mind. It always comes when I'm trying to think of a third beautiful thing and frustrates me. But, I've now realised that, it is, in it's self, quite a beautiful thing. I love turning negatives 360 degrees so they are facing the opposite way and don't bother me anymore.

The D man

Chanchthebadman: The End of Shame

2006-11-09T17:47:00.000-08:00

I see people who've inspired this blog, and also people who contribute to this blog, are still having embarrassing moments. It's as though they've gone back to the high school showers, boney with hairless dicks, and spontaneous erections. I find it sickening that grown men still feel a sense of shame when they accidently drink urine or when their would-be lovers find a condom they've "shamelessly" stolen from a hotel room.

There was a time--long ago--when I was emabrrassed. I'm not ashamed to admit it because it was in 1973, after two tours with a special forces unit in vietman, where we partolled the Mekong delta. We were all ashamed then--ashamed of our individual actions, the actions of our counrty, the monstrous bombs, and the horrifying screams of young orphans who sat next to headless, mangled parents: the dead look so terribly dead when their dead.

I was a long-haul trucker for some time after I was discharged. Those were the days before the crank freaks and the kiddie porn addicts, the days where you could drive from new york to san francisco without stopping because you kept our own logs and knew your own limitations. Once, I drove for three days without stopping, from Austin to St. Paul, from St. Paul to Miami, and from Miami to San Diego. Sheryl Lynn was waiting for me in Sad Diego. Her old man'd ended up on the wrong end of an AK 47 during the tet offensive, so I kept her warm on nights when I was in town and she couldn't sleep alone. She was drinking a lot, then, and cried in her sleep. I remember the way she sobbed, how her contorted face shone in the moon light, and she moaned, "jim jim jim no no jim no jim oh jim." And then, as if she were realizing her loss for the first time, she'd break into child-like, histerical sobs.

Jim was an old battle buddy of mine. We were in the same unit. He died in my arms. His last words were, "Tell sheryl Lynn I love her." I told her. I wanted to tell her I loved her, too, but I couldn't betray jim.

Once, while I was driving through nebraska, just outside of Kearny, and it was may, and the corn fields had recently been turned, I decided to stop my rig and take an air bath. I'd been taking air baths since I'd gotten back from nam. On the me kong delta, I'd developed a severe aversion to water, due to the high volume of dead people I'd seen in the river, so I drank whiskey for my thirst and took air baths for my hygene.

The moon was full. The road was empty. The field was so black and empty that if a person screamed there'd be no echo or response. I took off my clothes, and my toes sunk in the warm earth. I sat down and stared into the nothingness and saw the faces of the people I'd killed. My body shone blue in the moonlight. Then I stated thinking about Sheryl Lynn and I got an erection. I looked at my shadow and saw that my penis cast a small one, and I couldn't help but think that my love-making wasn't what I thought it was, having a erect penis that cast such a small shadow. That was the last time I was embarrassed. I haven't had sex since.

I put on my clothes and walked bact to my rig. I turned on the radio when I was on the road, and I heard a long-distance dedication. It was from a woman named Sherly Lynn to a man named chancho, "Keep on trucking baby, Keep on trucking." And the song she dedicated began to play. I knew I'd never see her again.

Roll on daddy
roll on through
roll on daddy
till I get back to you
roll on 18 wheeler
roll on . . . . .

Exiguous Posting!

2006-11-07T22:31:00.000-08:00

Wednesday 9st November 2006

Got up on the wrong end of the bed this morning, i (small i's today, i don't feel important enough to use big I's) think. Every little thing seems to be going wrong.

First of all, i stood on my pet cactus, Makali. I knew it was a mistake to leave her at the bottom of my bed.

Then, i went to get a drink of orange juice, only to find it had been left out of the fridge. Disaster! I hate luke-warm OJ! I took a swig anyway, it turned out to be urine, the toilet was obviously broken last night and Kay had to go somewhere. The orange bottle with my name on the side mus thave been the only place he could find. The old wag!

Then, then, I found out my heroine Britney, has filed for divorce. I hate it when families break up, it brings back painful memories.

Now, I hear the Republicans are going to win the American election and George Bush is going to stay in power. Another disaster, especially for all those poor kiddies dying in Iran.

OH! The misery.

The D Man.

P.s. Sometimes, it feels like i'm the only one who bothers.

The attitude of some of the other people who are supposed to contribute to this site on a regular basis, frankly, consternates me. Despite my problems, I go out of my way to post as often as possible; I believe my input is witty, pertinent, thought provoking, applicable, apropos, germane and completely relevant. I never make the same point twice and I never linger on an issue, in order to pad out another meaningless, mindless, pointless, insignificant rant, as some people do.

Simon and El Rey, this post is specifically aimed at you. When was the last time you contributed? Can you look at yourself in the mirror and say my recent contributions have been sufficient, adequete or even passable?

I don't think you can. So, you better sort yourselves out, quick smart.

...and Bloggers Shall Inherit the Earth.

2006-11-05T23:10:00.000-08:00

It seems to me, that a revolution is taking place. Not a dramatic revolution, like Metrosexuality. A quiet revolution. One, that ulimately, could become more important than anything that has preceded it, apart from the legalisation of homosexuality. (not that I'm gay)

Election turnouts are decreasing, people are reading less books, friends are socialising in public much less, sports clubs are reporting a loss in membership, newspaper's are losing readers. Why is this?

One reason.

Bloggers. We have become the most relevant people in the world, almost overnight. What we write transcends borders, it unites people, let's lonely people realise they will never walk alone. Best of all, nobody judges you in cyberspace. You can be gay (David), obese (David), lesbian (Rebecca (and David)), retarded (David), dyslexic (David), deluded (Andy in Korea and his brother) (and David), socially inept (David), useless with women (David) etc and so on. But, you know what? It really doesn't matter, because we, the bloggers love you.

We want to, NO, we need to know, what you had for breakfast, how many different kinds of chicken you put on your barbecue, how long your baggage takes at the airport. These simple things matter.

Bloggers, you really are special. I love you all.

Soon, everybody will be a blogger. We won't have to meet in public, anymore. We can embellish our whole experience. We can live the life we wish we actually were living. Why would you not want that? Ok, it may not be real. But, what is reality? Why can't it exist inside a computer?

All hail David, King of the Bloggers: Inspiration to millions.

The D man

My Most Embbarrassed MOment by David!!

2006-11-05T21:51:00.000-08:00

Probably one of the single most embarrassing things happened to me today. One of those moments where you just want to hide and not be seen until all parties concerned have forgotten all about it. Which in this case may not be likely.
I organized a small barbeque today for a couple of my friends, one of which I’m quite interested in and I’ve been getting close to over the last few weeks. If you’re a regular reader, and most of you are, you’re probably well aware of who I’m referring to (please check to the wedding entry from last week). So these two girls come up to my apartment on the pretense of some fine cooked barbeque chicken that I’m about to serve them. I got up early in the morning (well, 8am is early for a Sunday), cleaned the apartment, and prepared a couple of different salads as well as 3 different styles of chicken; Tandoori, Teriyaki, and Spanish paprika.
None of these styles have ever had any success with my Korean friends. Actually, I don’t think any barbeque food except from galbi, bulgogi, and bacon, would get approval from the Korean palate. Its just one of those things. The Aussie barbie of snaggers and steaks certainly wouldn’t get the thumbs up, although I’m sure most Korean people would be amazed that one person could actually consume a whole steak and not have to share it with 3 other family members or friends. The prospect of cooking for 2 Chinese people seemed less daunting. If I know anything about Chinese people its that they do enjoy a good diversity of food (as evident by my trip to China).
Keeping a long story short, before the barbeque the girls were quite interested in looking at some of my older photos from Korea, China, Japan, and North Korea. I was only happy to oblige and pulled out the old photo album from the bottom of my draw of crappy travel things I collect whenever I’m traveling. We’re looking through the photos when all of a sudden, with my head looking the other way I hear a, "/952;아?", loosely meaning, ‘What’s this?’. I turn around and see one of the girls holding a small, slim, cardboard condom packet with the word, ’spermicide’ on it with a very ill-clad dressed woman on the front with one of those ’sexy’ poses.
I think my eyes shot open and I quickly took it off her, gave a very meek ‘haha’, and completely started talking about something entirely different. I don’t remember what I talked about but I just pretended as if they have never seen it and that the whole episode never happened. I can’t be certain if the girls knew exactly what is was, I’m fairly confident ’spermicide’ isn’t in too many English learning books, and I’m not too sure they looked at the picture long enough to make any conclusions.
They didn’t say anything, and nor did I, and for that I was so very grateful.
Now what is a condom doing in my photo album I hear you asking? Well like I said, the photo album was in my travel draw, and when you stay in certain motels you’re given complimentary condoms. Now I figure that I pay for these little extras when I make a reservation and pay my bill, so I’m entitled to take then, regardless if whether or not I intend to use them (God only hope I do!). Put it this way, I’ve never heard anyone complain about having too many condoms. So anyway, after traveling at some point I must have thrown them in the drawer and one must have slipped into my album.
Really, completely innocent!

Hmm… there’s the slight chance she may have thought I was implying something by planting it there?
I-ee-go!
4 Comments »
LOL
how embarrassing.
Comment by lori — 5/11/2006 - Sunday @ 11:55 pm
The difficult thing is not knowing if they worked out what they found … and you can’t really ask about it, that’d only heighten their curiousity. What a shame it wasn’t a small soap, a sewing kit or some other kind of hotel freebie.
Comment by Rodney Olsen — 6/11/2006 - Monday @ 7:03 am
I’m sure you’re more embarrassed then need be! Don’t stress it… if she were REALLY offended, she would have left! I would have laughed and explained the whole situation to her (as best as I could) at least that way, she can’t accuse you of being a dirty pervert.. much.. (joking!).Can you please email me when you have a moment? I’m keen to find out when you’re home/if you have time to catch up for dinner while home…. Luv P to tha Aris xxx
Comment by Paris — 6/11/2006 - Monday @ 8:26 am
Lori: I could feel my face turning red at the time.
Rodney: Only fate would give ME the condom. I’m not lucky enough (with women anyway) for soap or a toothbrush!
Paris: Maybe this timid little girl DOES want me to be a pervert? Muwhahaha! Yeah, I’ll drop you an email soon, closer to when I leave.
Comment by David — 6/11/2006 - Monday @ 9:22 am

Photo from home

2006-11-03T03:47:00.000-08:00

This is a photo of my father and my cousin at Dads birthday party.

I was so excited to see it this morning that I thought i'd share it with you all.

Happy birthday Dad

Simon

Im a vegetarian!!!!!

2006-11-02T21:05:00.000-08:00

I have just got back from a lovely lunch with my new friend BongPoo who i've kind of being "seeing" lately.
BongPoo and I met a week or so ago and have been exchanging a number of texts since, mostly along the lines of
me: Bongpoo babo
her: no! simon babo!

its been very sweet and a lot of fun, so today we decided to have our first lunch "date" at kimbop lovenest a delightful place downtown
not knowing what to order i asked BP (bongpoo) what she would like, to which she replied
"anything without meat, Im a vegetarian"
I dont know why but i told her that i was a vegetarian too
instantly i could see a positive reaction in her eyes and a close bond was instantly forged
I've always been of the opinion that it is far better to be exactly what a woman wants as opposes to being oneself, this is one of the reasons why i have so many close relationships with women that sadly other men miss out on.

So now I'm a vegetarian, and I think its just what ive needed.
I've been looking for something that would make me stand out from the crowd,
(apparently being a nice sensitive guy, celine dion fan and blog writer doesnt cut it in todays world)
I do enjoy meat though so I've decided to continue eating the "yummy" meats like sausages, spam, sandwich ham, luncheon sausage etc
my reasoning for this is that fresh meats are more meaty than processed meat and processed meat is like not really meat anyway
I explained my meat eating philosophy to BP and she looked a little confused (language barrier *sigh*) but i think she understood my reasoning.
its a little like the modern muslim philosophy of getting drunk on beer every now and then
suffizing of its to say i AM now a vegetarian but i can still enjoy the odd ham and cheese sandwich without feeling bad about it

on another note you may have noticed that SOMEBODY has been inpersonating myself and other members of this community in the comments section
I'm not going to dwell on this issue, there have been mention of monitoring comments but everybody else voted against that
when reading just ask yourself "would simon say that?" and if you know me well enough then you'll know the answer
theres always that small portion of the world that just have to ruin the experience for everybody i guess

have a smashing day

Simon

Andy my Hero

2006-11-02T17:18:00.000-08:00

Andy in Korea

making it look easy

www.andyinkorea.blogspot.com

Does the fact that I cry in public, bring into question my sexuality?

2006-10-30T22:23:00.000-08:00

Introduction.

This is a question that has long bothered men like myself. So, I have decided to write an investigative essay into this subject.

I go through life encountering situations that bring into question, in my own mind, my sexuality. I presume this is not a unique phenomena and all men feel the same, that is why I'm not embarrassed for my thoughts and ponderings to be in circulation. In fact, I quite enjoy the world examing the insides of mind and commenting upon it; it helps me gain unique, independent perspective. And, because I am such a unique person, I know people are fascinated.

The analysis of this subject will be broken down into three distinct chapters:

Chapter 1. Childhood - Over-comforting male adults and the school showers.
Chapter 2. Friends - Many girlfriends and homosexual friends. No real male friends.
Chapter 3. Experimentation - Should I take it further? Have I already?

That is just a taster to whet your appetite.

More to come soon.

The D(avid) man

How Are You?

2006-10-30T08:02:00.000-08:00

At this time of year as the leaves turn from Orange to brown I often think about those I love and have loved, my friends and people who have drifted out of my life and I wonder how they are, how their year has been and what they dream of for the future

So how are you everybody?

I'd love it if a few of you would comment and let me know how its all been going

*smiles*

Wedding Bells

2006-10-30T07:49:00.000-08:00

Today I attended my first ever Korean wedding. The night before I had also attended my first ever wedding party with the bride, groom and all there friends. It just so happened that the bride, SY, didn’t have too many friends from outside the hagwon (the school) so I was at least able to communicate with fair bit of the crowd there. The groom, HT, is a top bloke I’d met on a few occasions and I was introduced to his friends, most of which were working in the police department like HT
I got along well with his friends, probably a little too well as they kept insisting that both Aa (the new guy) and I drink copious amounts of beer with a shot of whisky dropped in (literally a shot glass of whisky dropped into a large beer mug). Its not quite as vile as soju bombs (soju in beer) but it has a more potent kick and within 15 minutes Aa and I could both feel the effect from it.
I gave up shortly after that and joined 3 of the other teachers at another hof (pub) for some serious heart-to-heart talks about life, marriage, and my long-term single status which apparently is quite a common topic of conversation at the hagwon.
Hmm…
The wedding day was simply glorious. My date for the day was one of my Chinese university students, M-ah, who, well, I’ve kind of been seeing. She came to my apartment before we’re picked up by one of the Korean teachers and taken directly to the wedding.
Korean wedding halls are amazing. Not so much that architecturally they’re anything to rave about, well not in Andong anyway, but just the way its set up. The Shelia Wedding Hall (실라) has 8 main wedding rooms. Each wedding room hold wedding after wedding, most not taking any longer than 30 minutes at a time. So as you can imagine they literally churn out married couple, and today was no exception. I’m not sure that many couple get married every Sunday, but it was a full roster and I reckon at least 30 couples alone got married today while I was there.
The wedding is brief, only 20 minutes, and really more a formality than anything. I wouldn’t say they were very emotional, well not for spectators anyway, but it was pleasant and I did enjoy it.
SY (the bride) looked absolutely beautiful and for about 15 minutes before the wedding we’re together just talking to her (5 or so girls and me) and keeping her calm. In fact I was the only male on her side of the wedding, so I think I experienced a rare moment of female bonding that most males probably wouldn’t see to often.
Anyway, enough of me yacking away, here are the pictures and video (only available to staypuff "friends")
David

Levi Cobb

2006-10-29T18:50:00.000-08:00

Lunch was always my favorite peroid. I used to have a teacher who would let me leave early, so I could be first in the lunch line. I had B lunch, so it was in the middle of 4th period. Sometimes, I'd lose my lunch money, but the lunch lady, would give me my lunch anyway, and I would tell my mom and she'd send them a check at the end of the month. I liked mashed potatoes, and fries, but pizza was always my favorite.

These days, my wife doesn't like me eating pizza, because she says it will give me high blood pressure, and cholesterol, but sometimes when she's at work, I go to Mc Donalds and have a fish sandwich with ketchup and relish. I mostly have water, but once in a while I get a pepsi. On the walk home, I usually wash my hands in the public bathroom by duck creek, and I floss and brush my teeth before my wife gets home from work.

David is a Cocksucker!

2006-10-29T18:05:00.000-08:00

This is a test.

Do not comment here.

This is a test.

I'm serious, do not comment!

Howdy partner

2006-10-25T23:59:00.000-07:00

http://andyinkorea.blogspot.com/

Chanchthebadman: basic adventures

2006-10-25T21:33:00.000-07:00

During basic, down in Brag, I was stabbing my way through the bayonet assualt course. DIs were at every dummie in case anyone needed a little motivation. Not me. I was stabbing with the force of a jackhammer, and letting out a resounding "KILL" everytime my blade pierced foam-rubber hearts of my enimies.

Then while I was running across a log, about mid-way through the course, I saw drill sergeant Shukman throw a dummie gernade at me from behind a tree. I hit the deck and rolled under a pile of tree limbs. The gernade exploded, and I waited for the air to clear, so I could continue the course.

Just as I was standing and pointing myself in the right direction, I heard a plantive meow coming from behind me. I reached back into the limbs and felt something soft and warm, so I pulled it out. It was a kitten, brown and white, couldn't have been more than 6 weeks old, and I wasn't sure what to do. Then my training came back to me. The call and response ("what's the spirit of the bayonet?") ("to kill to kill to kill without mercy") tore through my brain. I put the cat on the ground, and before it could move, I stabbed it through the back. My blade was bloody. I was eager to get back on course. "KILL KILL KILL WITHOUT MERCY" I shouted as i sized up my next dummy.

Walking, talking, LIVING Doll!

2006-10-24T20:42:00.000-07:00

Well, not exactly walking, talking or living, but I decided to get a doll.

I know what you're thinking dolls are for babies. Not this kind of doll, my friends.

I recently watched the excellent, thought provoking documentary "Guys and Dolls." It was about men like myself, Simon and David at www.staypuff.net who have trouble meeting real women, despite our obvious attractions. We are all sensitive, caring, misunderstood souls, drifting through life hoping that true love will find us. But, so far no such luck.

It still amazes me. I mean I go paragliding, David does Taekwondo and rides a motorbike and Simon... erm...
Yes, we are all superheroes, but this is deemed irrelevant by organic women.

Guys and Dolls inspired me to look elsewhere. It introduced me to the excellent website www.realdolls.com. Their range is incredible and if you can't find a girl to suit you, they even take special requests. So, I sent in a picture of Ming-er and asked them to design the doll to be just like her. (She refused to let me take a plaster cast of her body.) They even let me request Kimchi breath - I know, it's amazing! And, it only costs $4000!!!

Anyway, she arrives next week. I'll post a picture and let you know how we're getting on.

The D Man.

Chuck Chuck--left my baby at the DMZ

2006-10-24T17:32:00.000-07:00

My girlfriend was lookiong kind of pink
and I'm not even talking about her stink

So I thought I'd just let her be

But then she said "Pyeongyang"
and I thought, Oh, dang.

Left my baby at the DMZ

Chanchthebadman on travel, queers, street merchants, and darkies

2006-10-24T17:12:00.000-07:00

Anyway, just got back from seoul. I was supposed to meet an old battle buddie in itaewon, but he got called up and deployed to Iraq for another 18 months--the bastards in the pentagon don't care that Bill jumped out of a C 130 into the Suni triangle back in 2002 and broke his knee when he landed, only then to be hit with a flash gernade. He's only recently been able to handle direct sunlight, and he still limps like a tired horse. He's a soldier, though, so he doesn't complain.

I had a night in itaewon alone, and I figured I'd try to enjoy it. I don't need R&R now as much as I did when I was a soldier, but I still like some peace and quiet away from the kids, you know? Well first thing happens when I walk down the street is this slope asks me if I need a tailor-made suit. Talior-made suit. I said no, and as I walked away, I thought of the suits Bill and I bought when we were stationed in Tibet, monitoring the Chineese troop movement. The pockets fell off. We laughed.

I never thought there'd be so many darkies in Korea, and I'm not just talking about Africans. I saw a mosque, and what appeared to be a paki. He sure smelled like a paki. That takes me back, that smell. They eye me suspiciously, because they know I know the score.

After a few beers, I went to go up hooker hill, but I must have taken a wrong turn, because I saw two men kissing, so I said, "what are you, a fucking queer." And one of them said, "Um, yeah."

I turned around and got the hell out of there.

For Jack

2006-10-23T00:24:00.000-07:00

One of our most dedicated commenters, Jack Spratt put in a request for a picture of one of our favourite bloggers.

So, just for you Jack, here is the very holy Andy in Korea mocking Christ's crucifixion aboard a Devil coloured Daewoo Matiz.

51st post....YAY!!!!!!!!

2006-10-20T19:33:00.000-07:00

Congratulations and well done everybody, we finally reached the magical 50 post mark!
On behalf of the team i'd like to thank everybody out there who has contributed to the comments section
except for varsity jock you snivelling little weasel
take care
we love you all

10 Important Things From the D Man's Bedroom

2006-10-20T19:10:00.000-07:00

Love and some verses

2006-10-20T09:26:00.000-07:00

Sometimes in life things happen that at the time seem terrible and much worser than before but eventually you know that the sun will come out and a brighter tomorrow awaits......

Hi guys
i hope its all going well in your amazing lives
ive been away from the blog this week, I've been flat out with the 'real' world and trying to get to grips with my existance
any time ive had on the computer has been dedicated to getting my jumbled photo files in some kind of presentable order!
i must have 75000 of them now and thyere all over the place, ive been meaning to head to seoul and pick up the frippypic 2pj7 for windows which would make everything easier......lord knows when the pics from bonjovia will be ready...*sigh*

anyway i popped over to the site and read dmans entry, D i really sympathise with your situation, but i think its time you realised that your girl is a bad lemon.
As much as i know you love her you have to come to terms with the fact that not only is she betraying you, but she is causing friction in the household by coming between you and Kay.
Im sorry to speak so frankly but i talked to S about your situation and she agrees...that girl is bad news...you need to stand up for yourself and tell her to move on, you can do better than that, visualise it in your mind before you sleep and it can come true.

My 'love life' (hah) has taken another turn, and probably for the best.
S and I have decided to become just "good friends"
we met last night downtown and had a lovely time over caramel frappachinos and a lovely slice of organic, fairtrade chocolate cake.... just devine

after a good chat in which we both talked honestly we agreed that moving toward a physical relationship is probably not the right step
we both share the opinion that 'sex' can be awkward, messy and a largely unnecessary activity that can harm true love
there were a few tears, laughs, and a second slice of cake in what turned into the most memorable moments of my life
ive never felt so close to another human being, and when it was finally time for me to go home to bed, it was clear that S and I had become true friends of the heart
we shared a good long hug outside my house and when I got upstairs I cried myself to sleep, just my bodies way of releasing all the emotion and anxiety id built up over the past few weeks

Tony has been really good and I dont know what id do without him to be honest, hes really been there for me, and S too over the last few days
He's agreed to take over the english-korean exchange class for a few weeks until the dust settles a little and S and I can meet without the tears
Tony has no interest in learning korean so this gesture is very good of him, hes going to take the class, and relay the relevant language notes etc to me after the class...what a guy, I really feel a strong bond between us so much so that this afternoon I told him, with an honest heart, that I love him too.

Well whenever I have a breakup I tend to turn to artistic pursuits rather than alcohol to feel better about myself, so this afternoon I started to write a song,
Ive been playing a recorder lately that I confiscated off a student and came up with a tune
so far I only have a few lines so if anybody has idea for the rest of the song please submit them
here we go

I LEFT MY BABY AT THE D.M.Z by Simon

I left my baby at the DMZ...
because a man with a gun came after me...
I was so blind that I did not see...
my baby standing in the DMZ.

My eyes teared up I began to cry...
If I was a bird then I could fly...
Across the sky to the tallest tree...
Above my baby in the DMZ.

Its more of a chant than a song I guess because i only play two notes and Tony said he'll break my nose if he hears the recorder from his room but I think theres enough there for you to get the idea
however I think it needs more verses, maybe something that touches the emotions of people in this beautiful land and could perhaps reunify the peninsular and heal the broken hearts seperated by war

thanks guys
and take care
hugs

Simon

A Day In My Life

2006-10-18T18:21:00.000-07:00

I heard recently, that the British Library is making a historical blog. A cross-section of people have been chosen to record what they did on a particular day and this record would be secured in the British library for future generations to peruse. The day that was chosen was October 17th, as it was the most normal day on the calendar.

Inspired by this, I decided to be original and do exactly the same, and try to pass it off as me being spontaneous. So, here goes:

3:07am - Awoken, by a strange banging sound from K's room. I know he was helping Ming - Er (the girl I was dating (kind of dating (well, went out for lunch with (once (Ok, she stood me up (but, she definitely likes me (despite, not returning my calls (and consistently avoiding me))))))) study English, but I'm sure she left hours ago. He must be putting up a picture up or something (I wish he'd stop screaming like a girl, must have hit his thumb!!!!).

6:04am - I managed to get back to sleep about exactly 34 minutes ago. Awoken, by the sunrise and the birds singing beautifully in the trees. Wipe away a tear and decide the world is beautiful. There's a small wet patch on my bed again, must have spilt some water last night. Maybe, it's condensation.

6:31am - Time for my power walk. See Ming-Er coming out of the bathroom as I leave. She is dedicated to her studies, turning up at this time to learn another language. I think I'm falling in love. She shoots me a look, that says "Die, creep!" , but I know it's just a cover-up for her real emotions. She is my soulmate. Realising this brings a tear to my eye, I wipe it away.

I'm out on the street now. There's a chill in the air. Winter is definitely on it's way, a novelty for a WA boy like Moi.

7:02am I arrive at the river, 1km from my house after building up quite a sweat. Check watch, 31m24s a new record. Feel in great shape.

The leaves have started to turn that beautiful orange colour. Decide the world is beautiful for the second time today. Wipe a tear from my eye.

I get out my prayer mat and face Mecca. I begin to pray, don't know what I'm doing really. I just utter Insallah, shabash and the names of Pakistan cricketers repeatedly until my ritual is interrupted by a drunken tramp throwing soju bottles at me. I feel becoming a Muslim has made me a more spiritual, peaceful person and people really respect me now.

7:37am - Back at home. Bacon sandwich for breakfast. Pork is OK for Muslims, isn't it?

K is teaching Ming-Er how to kiss 'Western style.' His dedication to educating her really goes beyond the call of duty. Manage to fight the tears welling up inside.

7:51am - Ride my scooter to the University I have just started teaching at. Today I reach 40km/h, the fastest I have been, yet! The students seem despondent, which is surprising, because my lesson is fascinating, After class, I linger, I can hear them talking about a big night out they are having this weekend. Wait for an invite.(I'm still waiting, bless them, they were too shy to ask).

9:18am - Back home. I decide to download some photos. I have some good ones of my feet (I have an in-growing toenail.) I also took some good images of the bacon sandwich I ate this morning and the glass of water I drank. Decide to name my camera Bek Seju.

10:01am - I'm a minute late to class, but I have that rebelious streak, so I don't care. Mary, a sweet little kid shows me her affection by kicking me in the shin and shouting "GESEKI" at me, I think it means I love you. How sweet. The tears come back, but I fight them.

The next twelve (I took a few off K, he's under a lot of stress) classes follow a similar pattern. Kids show their love for me through excessive violence, none of the other teachers are loved this way.

8:21pm - I ask all twelve of my co-teachers if they'd like to join me for dinner. They all have legitimate excuses, again. Fair enough, they are very busy people.

I walk downtown. Past the famous meat restaurant I went to on my first night here, but have not been invited back to since. I would go in, but they don't really care for people on their own, who does?

I peer in through the window. K and my other co-workers are all there, happy as Barry. I would go in, but they obviously didn't invite me for a reason. My contract is up soon, so they must be planning a leaving celebration for when I'm gone (I mean going).

I get some fried chicken on a stick and head down to the river.

8:45pm - Down by the river, again. The circle of my day is almost complete.

The sun sets behind the trees. The fish jump in the river. The birds glide past. A dog shits next to me. A young couple, who must be 15 stroll past, they are so much in love. There is too much beauty in this world.

I can't bear the beauty. Emotions overpower me, joy, sorrow, joy, grief, pity, joy. I put my head between my legs and cry.

9:12pm - I'm still crying.

9:14pm - Contemplate suicide.

9:18pm - Decide too many people love me and would miss me. Make a mental list of all the people who love me.

I cry on....

9:54pm - and on...

The D man.

ON THE BLOB

2006-10-16T19:09:00.000-07:00

At www.staypufff.blogspot.com we like to help out people in difficulty. One of our favourite bloggers is having problems with a friend. Can you help? Have you been through a similar experience?

miss m has been screaming for the past hour. she's experiencing her first every menstruation. she's not liking it one bit. she doesn't want dragon lady (our mother) to know. apparently she has no right to know.i've organised for one of her friends to come over when school finishes. just to explain that it's not horrible, it is natural and she will get used to it.for as long as i can remember she's been adament it's not going to happen, and she's not going to grow up. i don't understand where this HUGE dislike for it has come from. miss a is completely aware the process will happen, and isn't happy about it, but sure as hell won't freak like m did.ANY advice is welcomed, PLEASE!

XXX mas is Coming

2006-10-15T22:45:00.000-07:00

That time of year is coming again.
The time we all love.
The time when families and friends come to celebrate a joyous religious occasion.
The time when everybody sings beautiful carols.
The time when we all eat drink and be merry.
The time when we take a moment to think about the poor and needy (Do they even know it's Christmas?).
The time when we give something back to the ones we love, to show how much we care.
The time when we welcome a new year and a new beginning.
The time when we make resolutions.
The time when we light up our towns and homes.
The time when we build pretty little snow man.
The time when the portly bearded one decends our chimneys.

Yes. That's right Christmas is coming and I, for one, can't wait. I've already started buying presents. I hope you're ready.

Happy Christmas and a Merry New Year.

The D man.

P.s. I had to be the first.

Adam and his missus

2006-10-13T09:32:00.000-07:00

Adam Brown was kind enough to send us this photo of him and his lady, so I thought I'd do the only decent thing and put it up here for everyone to enjoy.
Whats it say on your tshirt dude?
'Gangster for life' or 'Pornstar for life'?

my old eyes cant tell

The Religious Wrong

2006-10-12T20:54:00.000-07:00

I'm sick and tired of the internet (and the world in general) being populated by patronising, pontificating, ignorant religious fuckwads, like Andy in Korea. They never miss an oppurtunity to spout some bullshit or other about God. They take a picture of a flower and thank God, they have a good solid shit and thank God, there wife dies of AIDS and they say God works in mysterious ways, they blow up a building and they're doing it for God, they bomb a country, mollest a child and on and on and on. Then at the end they always justify their actions, by saying it's God's will, or God's testing them. What kind of sick fuck of a God, would give us AIDS, Tsunami's etc?

Stop being such spineless arseholes and take responsibility for your own actions. And, accept that shit things like hurricanes and aerthquakes happen and there is a scientific explanation for them.

Different religions.

His name was God. No, you're wrong, it was Allah.
Jesus, No, Mohammed. Bible, Koran.
Red hats, green hats. Star of David, Cross.
Left, right.

What a load of fucking nonsense. It was all written by humans. Humans who were either scizophrenic, drunk, meglomaniacs or just taking the piss. So, who gives a flying fuck where your holy land is? Or, which piece of your flesh you should cover.

It's like the God damn enlightenment never happened.

The Very Reverend Gerry Paisley

El Rey Chancho's Gente

2006-10-12T17:23:00.000-07:00

Don't send me anymore questions. I'm no longer going to read them or respond to them. STOP. It's become painfully obvious to me over the last 10 years that people, when engaged directly, are rarely candid, and usually about as obtuse as a dead circus clown. NO

While this decision has been coming for a long time, I was finally prompted to stop taking questions, not by a stupid submission from Max Delay (Leeds) asking whether or not green belt land in England should be converted into permanent settlements by gypsys (no) (duh), but by a man right here in the Chancho's own back yard.

As most of you know, I play the piano at The Torch Light Inn on mondays, wednesdays, and fridays from 7:00 to 9:00. The Torch Light is a nice place on the banks of the Wapsipenecan River, some 20 miles north or Davenport, Iowa on old highway 61. It's a quaint, quiet place, with large windows facing the river, and clean hardwood floors. I enjoy the time I spend there because it gets me out of the house during my wife's T.V. time.

I usually play what I'm in the mood to play, but recently I've been taking requests, which gets me to the other reason why I'm not taking YOUR questions anymore.

Last friday, while I was just finishing up a rather arduous rendition of Chopin's Largo in E Flat Major, when someone in the crowd shouted, "Play us some Bach."

Usually, the requests are to be written down and put on my bench before I arrive, and I can't say I liked this man's monkey-house shout, but I decided to be as gratitous as possible, under the circumstances. I played some Bach.

When I was about mid-way through Masses and Magnificants, I noticed the man who'd made the request was having a rather heated argument with the bartender. I looked back at the keys and paid it no more mind, until i was tapped on the shoulder. I looked up and it was him, the request man, standing behind me, with a whiskey in his hand and a frown on his face. "STOP," he said.

I stopped playing and turned around in my seat and said, "yes?"

He paused for a moment, and then turned and looked at the crowd. All was quiet. Then the man shouted, "WHY IS THIS GUY PLAYING BACH LIKE A FUCKING WETBACK?" He turned to me, hesitated, then threw his whiskey in my face and ran out of the room.

WHY IS THIS GUY PLAYING BACH LIKE A FUCKING WETBACK?

WHY?

Now there's a question. That's good. Much better that YOURS. SWEET. SPICK, BEANER, WETBACK--you name it--I've heard it.

I'll answer that.
Or try.

I'm German-Irish. I've been to Cancun. I've never worn a hairnet, I don't work at gonzo's, don't wear dark glasses at night, hate burritos, work legally, don't steal jobs from honest americans, when I say essay, I mean 5 paragraphs, 12 font, double spaced, no tattoos on this stomach, when a man looks at my wife, I don't knife him or her, never knifed anyone, don't inhale paint thinner to get high, don't have a mexican accent while having no working knowlege of the spanish language, don't jump borders, Fox's not my president, mexico city not my capital, hate texas and arizona and southern california, and I don't have a 64 chevy impala.

In short, I don't know why this man thought I was PLAYING BACH LIKE A FUCKING WETBACK, but I'll keep the question in mind when I make decisions about what to play next week.

Until then, take care

El Rey Chancho

A Very Short Confused Poem

2006-10-11T20:34:00.000-07:00

There once was a girl called Dave,
She insisted she was a boy,
But, we all know she was being coy,
It was man love he really did crave.

Man Love Moment

2006-10-11T20:28:00.000-07:00

http://andyinkorea.blogspot.com/

Fun with Andy

2006-10-11T20:21:00.000-07:00

Andrew Brown "AndyinKorea" http://andyinkorea.blogspot.com/

had a wonderful afternoon drive the other day around the greater Pohung area.

I couldnt resist posting this great pic of him showing his playful side in the magic castle.

Thanks Andy. Keep them coming and may the lord be with you!

God Bless

A good morning at home

2006-10-11T07:03:00.000-07:00

Yes it has been awhile....
the last two weeks have been a blur of travel, I've definitely had enough of buses for awhile! I'll fill you in with snippets over the next few posts

where should i start?

well in the end after much debilleration I decided to 'bite the bullet' and take the trip to Seoul and meet the Staypufff gang. After the week I'd had previously I thought it a good idea to leave my comfort zone and 'blow out the cobwebs' in a new environment, and although it was a mixed time, in hindsight it was probibly a good idea

I'm not going to get into too much detail this post about the occasion, i will say it was good to finally meet Chuck, "Dman" and who I think was El Ray, although he didnt introduce himself to me.
We had a good few beers, mine mixed with soda of course, and Dman blew out his candles.
Afetr the long trip there i was sleepy and went to bed before the others, it was a good time, althouggh I will say, Chuck, I never want to meet your friend Adam again, he may be a nice guy but THAT behavior was totally uncalled for.

Anyway back on the home front, this morning I was to meet my special friend S at 8o'clock for another wee study session, her big english presentation is due next week so I agreed to help her iron out some of the wrinkles
She was to come to my house, and with the lounge room out of the picture (due to Tony having another 'big night' which i REFUSED to clean up) I got up at 6:45 and set up a nice little study area on the floor of my bedroom (bold, i know), complete with an asian coffee table, pillows, juice, and crackers with cheese!
after an hour setting up the space I was feeling quite proud and a little exhausted,
so when I got a call from S at 7:55 saying she'd slept in and couldnt make it I was understandably a little disappointed, but I said that was fine and we'd meet tomorrow

I dont mind when S cancels on me, i know how busy she is, but I'm concerned about fujitsu, I know that MrHong, although not speaking to me, has his heart set on me completing the second sego by November and its going to be a struggle at this rate.

So after a 5minute lie down I packed up the crackers and juice to return to the refridgerater,
as I opened the door into the hallway Tony's door opened at the same time, something which NEVER happens before 12, and who should walk out but S!!!
Of course i initially felt the worst and began to shake uncontrollably, but S quickly explained the situation.
It turns out she hadnt slept in this morning but was woken by her mom early and had to drive her grandmother to the hospital, she'd had no time to have a shower, and was still wearing her clothes from yesterday and after waiting for an hour for her grandmas diabetes tablets she realised she'd left her work keys with her friend who'd given them to Tony, so she sneaked up to his room to get them, and didnt want to disturb us!

what a sweet girl, I can't understand why she couldnt just tell me the truth, i could have got the keys for her and saved her the walk up the stairs!
Oh well! I spent the rest of the morning 'vegging out' in front of the box, something which has been long overdue.

Tony got up at 12 as usual in a rare good mood, he whistled in the shower, and even cleaned up the mess in the lounge!
afterwards he took me out for Mandu and Ramen, over which we had a great chat.
I've never seen him so happy!
"Whats with you Tony?" I asked as we were walking back home, "I've never seen you in such a good mood!"
"I just woke up on the right side of the bed SiGuy!" he said, "todays a good day and youre one of the good guys!"
"you too buddy!" I said.

I get the feeling things are gonna be a lot better around the house from now on.

Simon

User Feedback

2006-10-09T05:49:00.000-07:00

We got this idea from the great Rodney Olsen.

Our customer service department is constantly trying to improve your blogging experience here at staypufff and so We'd be more than pleased if you'd take the time to answer some or all of the following questions for us.

How did you find our blog?

Are you a first time reader or a regular reader?

What do you like about our blog?

What country are you located in?

What else would you like to see on our blog?

What things would you like to see more of?

What would you rather see less of?

Is there anything you want to see, but haven't?

Do you enjoy my approach?

Do you enjoy my writing?

Do you think I’m spending too much time on one thing, too little on others.Do I post too often, too little?

Who would win in a bare-knuckle fight between David, Rodney Olsen and Rebecca?

Who would be an ideal partner for David?

If, train A starts at station 1 at 4pm, travelling at 110mph and train B starts at station 2 at 4:05pm, travelling at 105mph and the stations are 250 miles apart, what time will they pass each other?

What is the meaning of life? Don't say love.

Why don't Iraqi's appreciate freedom?

Should Muslim women be allowed to wear veils in the West? What if they are really ugly?

Who is the funniest dictator in the world? (Saddam is my current favourite)

One more question. Although I really want the truth, good and bad, can you please try to be kind?

Bar Bar Butt

I poem by a fellow blogger. rebecca who is valued higher than diamonds. I think this poem is very well writen

2006-10-08T21:52:00.000-07:00

Friday, April 12, 2002to hell
not one word, not one noise
on that night you made a choice
you looked left, i looked right
the wrong choice you made that night
i loved him, you loved her
and we're not together anymore
he loved me, she loved you
and now i really hate you
one stupid move, one stupid action
now i'll deal with the repercussions
i have learnt, and so must you
you can deal with the repercussions too
i'm the victim, don't act innoncent
when your time comes, to hell you'll be sent
Posted by rebecca :: 9:13 AM :: 1 Comments:
Post / Read Comments

keep up the good work becca. I love you babe.
chucks

Three things that made me wanna barf today

2006-10-08T20:03:00.000-07:00

1) The presumption by one of my co-workers that I didn't want to join her for lunch.
2) Stalone--have you seen that guy?
3) a wet fart I had at 10 this morning--it's 12 and I still haven't changed my shorts.
4) the fact that my scrotum is tight sometimes, and loose other times.
5) no one scratches their balls. they say they scratch, but they dont

A note from the BOSS

2006-10-08T19:45:00.000-07:00

I feel a little clarification about the intent of this blog may be required.

The concept had been gestating in our collective womb for at least a year. We wanted to create a space on the web for like minded people to express themselves freely. We did this because certain other bloggers wouldn't allow us to do so.

We wanted the most innovative and brilliantly original minds out there to enhance our blogs credibility. So, we advertised. It was a simple advert, it asked people to submit a 5000 word piece on a subject of their choosing. The response was staggering, and it took us many months to trawl through a lot of hard work, some good, some bad and a lot just damn awful, before deciding on our cast.

The winners came up with original pieces, such as "Relationship Rage: Does the fact that I want to bodyslam the woman I love make me a schizophrenic?" This was a beautifully emotive piece of work by a great writer you all know as El Rey Chancho. And, "I'm Backing Myself: How to make everything you do a competition." This surprisingly, was from the affable Simon. The D man's piece was called, "A Lingering Sadness: Does crying in public bring into question my sexuality?" Needless to say, this touched even the coldest hearts and inspired the title of the blog. As you have probably noticed, we have many more writers on our books. We feel each person brings something unique to the table. We are also always on the look out for new talent and will add to a roster if a suitable candidate should arise.

Before last weekend, non of our contributors had ever met. We felt this was essential for quality varied output. It remains to be seen whether the fun and games last week will dilute the purity of this site.

From the outset, we gave each of our authors a simple mission statement. "Go fly, be free." Basically, we want them to use their exceptional talents to create a blog unlike anything ever seen. So far, I think their efforts have been a resounding success.

Bar Bar Butt

P.s. Those of you calling for certain people to be banned from commenting please grow up. Sites like www.Staypuff.net may engage in such negative, immature behaviour, but that is not and never will be our policy. COMMENT IS FREE!

Straypuff

2006-10-08T05:59:00.000-07:00

Just when you thought it was time to find a new hate.
David www.staypuff.net is back. It turns out he's had 'domain name' problems, which means he locked himself in his room, sucked his thumb, and cried for a week.
I've included this early photo of David in which he looks younger and less emotionally damaged than nowadays.
It represents a fresh start.
I for one cant wait to hear what hes been up to over the past week, so far hes been fairly quiet which says to me that his heart has been broken again.
lets find out together

Seoul Brothers

2006-10-04T06:52:00.000-07:00

Do you see what I've done there with the title? If, you don't get it, I'm not going to explain it to you.

Sorry, for not posting at all this week. The reasons for this will become apparent as I unravel and convey the story of the last few days to you.

As the title of this post suggests, I went to Seoul at the weekend to meet the other contributors to this blog. I know, technically, they're not my brothers, but for artistic purposes it kind of works. I also expected to see numerous other friends and colleagues, as it was my birthday. But, alas, I was disappointed. It is understandable, though. Communication and travel are both very difficult. It's often very hard to find a computer with Internet access, or a working phone in Korea. It can also take up to 4 hours to get to Seoul from certain areas in this country, a medievally long time, I think you'll agree.

Getting to Seoul was easy, I went to my local bus terminal and asked for "SEOUL GASEYO, HAN JANG JUSEYO." The guy's drinking soju in front of the ticket machine I'd just got my ticket from were obviously impressed. So, I gave them my rendition. They were amazed by my incredible acumen.

It went a bit like this:
JE IREUMI DER DEE MAEN IMNIDA
JUHO SARAM IMNIDA
SUMUL GOPIL IMNIDA
YEONG-OR SEONG SENG NIM IMNIDA

It was just like that for ages, they were speechless. In fact motionless. They even relaxed and closed their eyes, as my dulcet tones reverberated around the bus terminal.

Anyway, I got on the bus, for the 3 hour journey. I made sure I had a tinkle first, you all know what happened last time. I was the first one on there, the bus steadily filled up. But, by the time we were leaving, I would say it was still only half full. Just as we were pulling out of the terminal, this rather attractive looking, young (about 16) Korean lady, ran up alongside the bus, begging, pleading to be let on. The driver complied. She got on, glanced at her ticket (which had her seat number on it), looked at me loathingly, looked at all the empty seats, then, low and behold, decided to sit next to yours truly. I just ooze magnetism.

She got comfortable, I started on my honed spiel, JE DEE MAEN IREUM DER IMNIDA. Just like the old sleeping guys, she was transfixed. Five minutes into the journey her eyes were closed, I think she was in nervous awe, so I continued, GAE JOHAYO. Which means, I like gay (dog). I know this always amazes Koreans. Then, in a move that was obviously an indicator of impending success with women in Seoul (more of which later), we rubbed shoulders. Not twice, but once. She obviously found me irresistible.

We got to Seoul, Paris (I give all my Korean friends Western names), had long since moved to another seat. She was just too excited next to me. She charged off the bus, giving me a lingering glance as she left, a glance that said, "touch me, or speak to me again and I'll slit your throat." Korean girls are so cute.

It's funny, you can hold your bladder for three hours, but as soon as you know there is a toilet available, a certain nervousness descends upon you. And, I often let out a little dribble. I could see a toilet, but I'm not one to miss a chance to speak Korean. I asked a nice looking young lady, "JANGHWANG SIL ODI ISSEOYO." To which she replied, "You mean toilet, it's right there in front of you, can you not see." I was really starting to dribble now, so I sloped off, giving her an evil stare as I left. She's missed a chance to get to know a real sensitive guy.

The subway in Seoul can be quite difficult to navigate at the best of times. As you already know, I have fundamentalist faith in my ability to speak like a Korean and exist like one, in fact, somedays, I think I am Korean. Bearing this in mind, I decided to get to my final destination by only using the Korean writing (gul-han) on the subway maps.

Six hours later, I arrive in the meeting place. The infamous, Titaewon. A hot bed of cultural integration and activity.

Oh... Gotta go. My flatmate Kay is calling me. I think he wants me to taste his sauce or change the TV channel. Maybe, he wants me to take some more of his classes. After all he only has 4 a day, compared to my 12. He sounds impatient.

I'll continue the story later, or maybe one of the other guys can comment. I know Simon took a handful of photos that he was going to post. I know you're all eager with anticipation.

Stay cool

The D man.

2006-10-01T23:48:00.000-07:00

poem written by chuck

A Poem . . . . . .

2006-10-01T23:36:00.000-07:00

The Beginning . . . .

Is that what it is?

beyond the shadows

that breath without a body

who's smile's in the flowers.

I can't tell

People say the glass is broken

I say the room is breathing

Your mansion has many rooms

who's breathing windows

burst the glass
and
bend the will
and
see the smile

even when the flower is gone.

My trip to North Korea

2006-09-29T21:12:00.000-07:00

Earlier this year I had the rare and wonderful honour of taking a tour to one of the last "unknown" places in the world...NORTH KOREA! Over the next few weeks I hope to post a number of pictures from my fantastic adventure, and hopefully you can all gain a sense of what it felt like to be there. Here is my first album, Me, Statues, Soldiers and children...enjoy.
Yours truly standing standing in front of a HUGE statue, actually its about 10 kilometers away from where I was standing.

Hanging with some "kiddies" on the local train service, smiles all around on a great day!

Me with a border guard Mr.Kwang, a really great guy who let me wear his hat. He was soo funny, he asked me to pull his finger and he passed wind!!!!

Finally....yours truly in front of "the great man" Kim Il-Sung forever guarding the vibrant and prosperous city of Pyeoungyong! I sooo look forward to posting the rest of my photos which may be scattered over the next few weeks.

*hugs*

Simon

Birthday Blues

2006-09-28T21:29:00.000-07:00

Today, as I presumed you all knew was my birthday. It was a big one as well. That's right, I'm 27. The BIG 2 - 7.

Guess what?????????????? Nobody remembered. Not even my mother. This, is despite the fact I've been reminding everybody I know (and lot's of people I don't know) that today would be my birthday, for the past few months. (Since last years debacle, Rocky horror show fancy dress - downtown - I was the only one to dress up)

The teachers at the school I teach in didn't mention it; Even when I came back from Rome Baguette with my own birthday cake and proceeded to sing happy birthday to myself, before accidently setting fire to the streamers that come out of the party poppers I let off. BANG - WHOOSH - FIRE - still nobody batted an eyelid.

I was going to offer the cake around, but I don't think Korean people like cream cake infused with burnt streamers. So, I ate it all myself, even my pet beetle Makali refused it.

Birthdays have always been a big event to me, I don't know how people can be so apothetic about such a momentus event. I think it goes back to when I was a child. I once had a party back in WA were the whole school turned up. I think they were too young to understand the concept of birthdays and instead of giving me presents, they stole my tricycle, space hopper and SNES. A simple misunderstanding for 16 year olds to make. The point was they all turned up for ME, because I was - sorry AM so popular. Deaf Danny even stayed behind to play musical chairs with me (Yes, he won).

I can only presume that it's you guys in my 'blog brigade' who have organised a special surprise party for me in Seoul tomorrow night. Come on guys you can let on now. Everybody will be there, won't they? That has to be the explanation, it's not really a blog meeting.

It all makes sense now.

Happy Birthday to me.

Hot and Bothered

2006-09-28T19:56:00.000-07:00

I haven't gone to Fujitsu this morning, something happened yesterday which has left me with mixed feelings about myself and those around me.
After yesterdays class I agreed to go for lunch with my instructor Mr.Hong, it was a big deal for him as it was our first lunch date together so he decided we should go to a place in the country, about 15 minutes out of town.
On the way we passed the DongJuPock hot spring and Mr.Hong suggested we go in for a while and soak away the tensions of Fujitsu.

The lonely planet says "....there are many hotsprings throughout korea...nudity is optional."

Ive been considering visiting the hotspring for awhile, but that last sentence in the guide book has always held me back "...nudity is optional" I certainly didnt want to be nude with Mr.Hong and it was the last thing on my mind when we headed out countryside, so I told him that I felt a cold coming on and perhaps a hotspring wan't the best idea.
"Oh Siemon you be ok, drink 'dis" he said, handing me a disgusting deer antler (and god knows what else) energy tonic as we pulled into the driveway.
"Listen Mr.Hong I'm really hungry perhaps we should just..." I couldnt finish the sentence as Mr.Hong put his hand in front of my face laughed and said, " is ok, me pay, no dutcheepay, take ticket"

so now it was too late and I resigned myself to the visit, It couldn't be too bad right? nudity after all is only 'optional'
Now its not that I have a problem with nudity, or being nude, its just I have a unique body shape (in this country anyway) and a tendency to turn pink at a sudden change of temperature.
I dont have any problems downstairs, my winkle is no smaller than anyone elses but my ex-girlfriend once told me that it appears smaller than other peoples because of my thigh and buttock shape, and this is not a problem.

So we went inside and were given locker keys. Instantly my fear was recognised,
NO bathing suits!!!!!
I stood there for awhile feeling nauseous and I realised I was crying, goddamnit! not now!

Mr.Hong was undressed in a flash and I was surprised that although a bald man he was covered in the most impressive body hair, and like most Koreans, was hung like a horse
I got myself together and slowly undressed, Mr.Hong was keen to get into it so he said he would shower and meet me in the sauna.

Once I'd taken off my clothes I felt a little better about the experience, we're all men, and I was sure noone was going to stare at me for being a little different.
I grabbed a little 'teatowel' which didnt quite go full circle around me and walked to the main room, there were probably about 20 men in their, most of whom lloked like they were an army group, and when I walked in, silence fell over the room. i decided to make a beeline straight for the sauna which was in the back corner, but that became difficult as my glasses quickly fogged up in the humid environment.
Eventually I found my way, said hi to Mr.Hong, and took a seat back corner of the room.

After a minute or two Mr.Hong announced he was going to the toilet. Soon after he left the heat really started to get to me and i could feel myself 'pinking up', SOMEONE just HAD to say something, "excusee meee mool de ruel ga yo?"
although im still learning korean i knew what he was saying wasnt nice, and it was enough for me, I stood up threw my towel on the floor and said "Excusee meee you all think youre pretty cool dont you picking on somebody different!" with that I stormed out and made straight for the dressing room, i couldnt get changed fast enough. Mr.Hong was surprised to see me as he came from the toilets "Siemon, ok? why? sick?..." thats when I put MY hand in front of HIS face and said, "I didnt sign up for this mate! and i'm leaving!"
"but, but we came togeth...." he didnt get a chance to finish as i was out the door running to the nearest bus-stop

Bastards, how dare they, I've been fuming ever since
overreaction? maybe but it just really made me mad
I guess i should call Mr.Hong and apologise, hes tried to call me 5-6 times but i just cant bare to speak to him

I'll have to at some point though, as I left my glasses in the sauna and contacts hurt my eyes
*sigh*

Simon

p.s Chuck and 'd'man, how have you been? i dont know if i can face the Suwon trip after all this.

Weekend Plans

2006-09-27T19:40:00.000-07:00

Well with "hump-day" over my thoughts are naturally turning toward the weekend
which this weekend is looking somewhat full

YAY!!!!

On Saturday I will hopefully be meeting with some of the other contributors to this blog, we've never met in 'person' before so im looking forward to what should be a good time.
I'll be heading to Suwon as early as possible Saturday morning, as I just know that navigating my way around the hectic korean bus and subway system will be a NIGHTMARE!, and so far I HAVEN'T gotten around to booking a room for the night (oops) I know, I know LAZY!

Patrick said I can stay at his friend Wolverines house but I guess that means sleeping on the floor which is something I will NOT do in this lifetime.
Anyway Im looking forward to the meeting and i'm sure we'll get along famously over a FEW beers (honestly guys I'll just have a few)
Im also looking forward to taking in the sights and sounds of a brand new ASIAN city!!!!

ok off to Fujitsu and lunch with Mr. Hong

Everybody have a precious day!

Simon

El Rey Chancho's Gente

2006-09-27T19:06:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry, people, but I can't take it anymore. The only reason I wade through the river of shit, that is your weekly questions, is because I'm usually able to find at least one that is pertinent, well thought-out, and worth the time it takes to write an answer.

This is an advice blog. I give practical advice, so I'm in now way willing to field questions that have to do with the treatment of sexually-transmitted diseases (MIke Finn, Omaha,), the probability of Jesus returning within the next 20 years (Harold Smith, Freson), how old is Joan Rivers (Molly Beckert, Denver), or have I seen, and if so, what do I think of, Snakes on a Plane (Jason Wheeler, Baton Rouge).

If you want to bother someone, bother your local clergyman, your friend, your doctor, or, for the love of Christ, get on google. Google would know the answers to your stupid questions, and for those of you who are still off-line, you wouldn't have to spend 33 cents on a stamp. I know what you're thinking--if I had google, I'd have email, too, right. Yeah well then explain this to me wise ass: how the hell do they read my blog if they aren't on-line.

Fuck

I've made a promise to my editor, so I'm going to answer one question, but if it weren't for her, I'd be printing out all these questions and using them to wipe my ass for the next 100,000 years--that's how many stupid questions I've recieved.

I've chosen this question at random, and I haven't read it yet, because I knew if I did, I'd puke.

Okay here we go. Oh good. It's a good one. Yes. WoW. Thank you very much Jessica Weibler, from Saint Paul. You've made my day. I'm sure all the students at Lincoln Junior high school are going to be very jealous. You might even be able to make some friends. I'm not sure, though.

I really hope one of your bleeding-heart, left-wing teachers put you up to this. Those types would put a student in harm's way, without a second thought, for no other reason, but that their cowardice compels them thus, but they complain when our president puts U.S. troops in harms way for a righteous and just cause.

I'll get on with the damn thing.

Question:
Dear Mr. Chancho,
Why is there an ever-widening divide between the rich and the poor in this counrty?
signed, Jessica Weibler

That question, Jessice, while being trite beyond comparison, is easy to answer, so I don't hate it as much as the question asking if it is possible to change the oil in a '71 Chevlle using only a pair of pliers. By the way--Yes Ron Jordan, fleetwood Ohio, it is possible, but you can figure it out your-fucking-self.

Back to Jessica. Jessica, the reason your stupid teachers wanted you to ask me this questions is because they're afraid to expose their stupidity on a public forum. I'm sure they've given you some long-winded, pretentious, verbose, uppity, explaination for the "ever-widening divide between the rich and the poor in this country". But I'll tell you right now, They're wrong.

The explaination, Jessica, is quite simple. Everyone, rich and poor, has a finite (thats limited, teachers) amount of resources. Since the trash of this country continue reproducing like flys, they've exausted their resources. Not enough to go around. You never see rich white women who have 6 kids and are on welfare, do you?
There's your answer. Tell your teachers that, instead of lobbying for more assistance for the poor and disenfranchised, they should go give them condoms.

See you next week,

El Rey Chancho

Thats Mr. Gae to you...

2006-09-26T22:28:00.000-07:00

Fujitsu class was back on again this morning and after class I went for NokCha (green tea) with some of the women I train with, during our chitchat the ladies decided I should have a korean name.

Ive been toying with the idea of adapting a korean name for some time but the opportunity has never come up, so I was pleased and honoured that they would suggest it.

After some consultation, they decided I should have the family name of "Gae" of the dog family.
and the first name of "Sae-ki", youthful, childlike.
I understand the dog is a highly revered symbol in the korean culture, and although not one of the chinese zodiac characters apparently almost made it. Anyway the dog represents wisdom, loyalty and (filial peity??) and Sae-ki represents my youthful exuberance.

I am so happy that they would think of me that way, and I'm sure the news will quickly travel through Jechon, and make my stay here all the more enjoyable.
I cant wait for my students to find out!

So here I am "Gae Sae-Ki"

YAY!!!!!!!!

Simon

Poetic Justice

2006-09-26T20:49:00.000-07:00

Since, everyone else has gone all artsy and poetic, I thought I'd try my hand.

Here goes:

There was a young Aussie called Dave
He thought, he was really cool
Everybody knew he was a fool
He was undoubtedly his blog's slave

The abuse that we gave
has set him completely free
He should be dancing with glee
for, he no longer has to behave

He claimed to be right and just
I'm sure he was full of hot air
not that I really did care
now, I'm sure hookers are a must

Patrick

P.s. David, I have nothing in common with you.

2006-09-26T20:41:00.001-07:00

This is how I feel and whatever happens with S and I, I just want her to know,
Ive been up all night writing it and I was thinking of sending it in a series of texts

What do you think...?...too much?

Love Is ...
Love is the greatest feeling,
Love is like a play,
Love is what I feel for you,
Each and every day,
Love is like a smile,
Love is like a song,
Love is a great emotion,
That keeps us going strong,
I love you with my heart,
My body and my soul,
I love the way I keep loving,
Like a love I can't control,
So remember when your eyes meet mine,
I love you with all my heart,
And I have poured my entire soul into you,
Right from the very start.

Simon

Morning ride...lunch with S

2006-09-25T22:31:00.000-07:00

I woke up early this morning and was greeted with a clear blue sky and brilliant sunshine~Korea is beautiful in the fall~and decided this is one morning I wasn't going to waste
Fujitsu class was cancelled again so after cleaning the bathroom and doing the dishes~Tony had friends around last night~I decided to get on my bicycle and take in some fresh air and get some much needed cardiovascular exercise

Theres another reason for the ride, I had a lunch date with S at 12:30 and I wanted to have some time away from the house, alone with my thoughts and think about how exactly I could tell her all the things that are on my mind.

I havent seen S for almost three weeks, and our last meeting ended uncomfortably, since then theres been the occasional text, but nothing meaningful, so I was surprised to get a call from her last night inviting me to lunch.

At 11:55 after a good 15 minutes or so of solid riding I pulled into a public toilet to prepare for lunch, the best toilets are at the park which gave me 15 minutes to prepare and another 15 to walk to the restaurant and be 5 minutes early~perfect
S and I agreed to meet at "Ramen princess" our favourite restaurant close to my school, and to my surprise, when I arrived at 12:27, S was already there.
I'd previously decided to eat whatever she wanted so I was relieved when she ordered Bondaegi and Suendae, my favourites,
we ate in silence for awhile, her occasionally looking up and catching my eye and me smiling back, It was so familiar and comfortable that I felt there was no need for conversation.
After eating S reached into her bag for her folder and asked if I'd proofread her latest assignment which I did quickly and efficiently, I was proud to see less mistakes than usual~perhaps my influence has rubbed off on her!

After paying I suggested we take a walk, S said she didnt have much time so we walked together to her car, about a block away, I asked how she'd been and she said she was fine, but i'm not sure she meant it. We got to her car and she thanked me for lunch while hopping inside, I told her no problem and suggested we meet again sometime soon, she said 'maybe' as she started the car.

I watched the car as it drove slowly away, S didnt turn around but bent down to turn on the radio when she got to the lights, probably BoAs' "Forever You" our favourite song.

I love her so much

Simon

A Poem . . .. .

2006-09-25T18:50:00.000-07:00

Falling . . . . . .

The long black hairs

on my floor

remind me that

my girlfriend's going

bald

Chucks

How to be good?

2006-09-25T17:07:00.000-07:00

This post could actually be titled, 'Why I'm so moral'

When everyone around you seems to succumb to the temptations of the devil, it is very hard to remain true to yourself and the beliefs you hold dear. Just this last weekend, I was out drinking with P, who has a girlfriend (two to be precise, in different countries).

After a pleasant meal of Muck Gook Poo, in which, yes, I did indulge in two classes of the strong stuff (Sujo). Which did leave me feeling a little light headed. We headed to a booking club, with an elder Korean friend, let's just call him Kevin. These 'Booking Clubs' go against everything I believe in, especially my feminist sympathies.

What basically happens is, you get a table and then get waiters to bring (drag) female clubbers of your choice over to your table. These girls obviously don't want to do this (despite paying a lot of money to get into a club where they know exactly what is going to happen), so obviously don't come quietly. Now, the girls we got were obviously not impressed by Kevin and P's overbearing sleazy approach and quicl;y shunned them. BUT, my excellent grasp of Korean language and culture obviously overwhelmed them. I could have taken any number of them home with me. And, if sex was all I was concerned about (like the others) I would have. I am just not comfortable with meeting a lady in these circumstances and am infinitely dubious of their intentions.

Do they just want me for my body? For novelty? What?

I decided to remain true to my principles and go home alone. I need to wait for that magic moment with the right girl. It will come, I just have to BELIEVE.

The D man.

P.s. Kevin and P both succumbed to temptation and I'm sure they felt hollow inside the next morning.

trailing clouds of glory

2006-09-24T18:26:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone,
Sorry for not posting for a couple days. I met C in taegoo, and it was a busy weekend.

Okay, I don't even know where to begin . . . .

C just broke up with his girlfriend, U, and he's been having some trouble getting over it, and I was telling him that maybe getting over it wasn't what he needed to be thinking about so soon, maybe he should give himself time to be sad, and be as emotionally honest with with himself as possible, so things take their natural course. Well after I told him that, he seemed much happier.

We were in a small bar and C ordered a guinness, and before I knew it, he chugged the whole thing, the dark liquid draining quickly from his up-turned glass, and when he slammed his empty class on the table, he gave me a mischevious grin that I hadn't seen in a long time. I knew there was going to be trouble.

"Yo-gi-oh!", he yelled to the bartender, who'd seen C like this before and had a look of shagrin on his face. "Yo-gi-oh" C yelled again, making the bartender jump. "Mik-jew, jewsayo".

While the bartender was pouring C's drink, he looked at me, then at my half-empty glass of san-mic-jew, and said "drink up, buddy, we're going out on the town tonight."

Damnit, I thought. You all know how I feel about getting drunk and going out to night clubs. There are always waster korean girls there who hit on me, and they never speak english, so as soon as they see I can speak korean, they will not leave me alone. And the sleezy foreigners always bump into me, and want to have the most banal conversations--not here to make friends, pal.

The bartender meekly brings C his glass of guinness, eyes averted, and C takes the beer, and holds it up near his cheek, obscuring the dim bar lights, and casting a sinister shadow on the right side of his unshaven face. His nose is getting red. I'm nervous. "Time for a toast, Charlie."

He knows I hate it when he calls me Charlie.

He pushes my shoulder, and I nearly fly off my stool, "Time for a toast" he says again.

There's no arguing with him when he's like this, so I hold up my sang-mick-jew, and C looks me in the eyes, and in his, I see a combination of pain and exilliration. He wobbles and the brown froth of his guinness wobbles, too. "A toast", he says one more time, loudly. Some people in the bar look at C, but he just stares at them for a second, and they look away.

I'm holding up my sang-mic-jew waiting for the toast, but C is quiet now, contemplative, so I wait for him with my glass in the air. Finally, he looks at me, and I can see a tear has fallen from his right eye. He'd never admit it, though. He begins the toast: "You know I lived her, Charlie, and I probably always will." I nod. "Fuckin' women!" I jump. "Tonight, I'm with you, Charlie, and we're going to have a fuckin' blast!" We touch glasses, and C tilts back his head and I'm in awe at how fast he empties his glass, his adam's apple moving up and down franticly, his hand clutching the pint.

He's finished before I start, and when he slams his glass on the table, he just gives me that look, so I know what I have to do? I tilt back my head and drink as much of my sang-mick-jew as possible. The burn on the back of my throat reminds me of new years eve 2002, of hope and horror, and I drink on, eyes closed, head back, and since I can't breath through my nose, I stop just before I suffocate, and put my glass on the bar, and look at C who is smiling at me.

I feel the buzz. I feel my face heating up, and I'm ready to throw caution to the wind, with C by my side.

"Pussy" he yells, pointing at my glass, which still has beer in it. He grabs it and drinks it all in one gulp. C slams my glass on the bar and yells "yo-gi-oh, ol-mi-ao" and the bartender meekly walks toward us, secretly happy to know that we're leaving, he's seen us like this before, and it wasn't pretty. "Sam-monnun" says the bartender, and when I go to pay, C holds up his massive hand, and says, "No, tonights on me" and then he laughs a manical laugh, that makes me shiver, pays the bill, and without saying consamnedaa, walks out the door, his shrt tails trailing behind, his body in sillouette from the outside light, his step sure, and I run after him with our jackets under my arm.

I'm in trouble, I think, I'm in trouble.

More later

caio

chucks

Who is he?

2006-09-24T04:47:00.000-07:00

David www.staypuff.net has recently added this photo to his home page, in the photo David wears the colours of the country which regected him and behind is a flag of the country currently enduring his prescence.
The image, in the words of my esteemed colleague "captures the two sides of David...it says, 'i'm a regular guy, but I don't mind having some fun' " in a word its a little bit "cheeky"
The question I have about the photo concerns the question printed above Davids' bald head "Who am I?"
Why is it there when anybody who has tried to answer the question has been blocked from the site? *sigh*
Its not healthy not knowing who you are, so we're here to help David and others learn who he is.
hugs
chiao

I need a little love . . .

2006-09-23T21:09:00.000-07:00

. . . like I've never needed love before.

The thing about living in a foreign country, is that you are isolated from all the people you love and who love you. When you just want to go home at night and have that special somebody put their arm around, but all you've got is your overweight, homosexual (not that I have a problem with gays) Australian (or criminals) housemate, things start to get on top of you.

This sense of isolation was only heightened this week, when, the girl who I have been casually dating, Ming-Er, stood me up . . . AGAIN! Her brother had just been killed in a car accident, an hour before we were due to meet, but all it takes is just one little phone call. Hell! I'd even have accepted a text message in her broken English. (My Korean is perfect, so why they can't get English right is beyond me).

Anyway, I think it's about time I started looking out for number one (me.) I have to realise I have so much love and affection to give the right girl, if they don't want it, well, let's face it, it's their problem. It really irks me, when people Like Mr. P (the American in my town, name changed for legal reasons) can pick up anybody he likes, just because he is tall, blond and handsome. I truely believe women are not really impressed by these features and as they mature, will realise that he is hollow and shallow and will only hurt them. Then, they will realise were the true man is and where they can get "REAL LOVE." Because after all, that's what makes the world go around.

Hopefully soon, 2>1. (2= me and a young lady, by the way. 1=us becoming united in love)

The D man.

Things I notice in Korea (and presume you'd like to know about)

2006-09-22T20:23:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone:I live in the town of Pyeonyang, just some 100 Km away from the DMZ. There is a Korean Army training camp just a few blocks away from my office. Yesterday afternoon there were some Artillery exercises conducted at the training camp, and, boy! Did those cannons sound loud! I wonder if they were loud enough for you to hear them.There had been other Artillery exercises in the vicinity before, but, for some reason, yesterday's were particularly noisy, to the point of disturbing my work. I was even able to see the smoke after some of the shots. I assumed they were using live ammunition, so I was not concerned about where any ordinances would land.Later on I spoke to a staff member who served in the Korean army and he confirmed that, indeed, they use live ammunition for those exercises. My students got a bit nervous after the 4th or 5th shot, but I guess it was just another day in the life for the people of Ganseong. Take care and enjoy your work.

Take care of yourself, and each other.

Jerry

A beutiful review of www.staypuff.net

2006-09-22T20:20:00.000-07:00

StayPuff
The first thing that I noticed about StayPuff.net is that it?s not merely a weblog. Theweblog is the main focus of the site, but there are several other sections (including anintriguingly named ?Experiments? section) in addition the weblog. I was expecting those sections to be external links, but clicking on them shows that they?re internal content created by David, the owner of the site. There are actually 5 authors (including David) listed on the side, but 3 of the others have blogs of their own, and David seems to be the only active writer. Browsing through the archives shows that the other authors average about a post a month. However, David more than makes up for the lack of the other authors posts with his frequent posts. The other authors also frequently make comments on David?s blog and vice versa. The writing style of David is easy to read and he has a sense of humour that translates well into text. The posts are varied and can be anything from news events to David?s personal life. The posts feels easy to read because of his writing style and that is not something that many people can do. I genuinely felt compelled to read more due to the way David structures his entries. Unfortunately, I could only read up to June 2002, even though the weblog has been online since May 2001. It appears that David made the transition to Greymatter on the 22nd of June and clicking on all entries before that resulted in a ?404 ? File not found? error. Nevertheless, I thoroughly enjoyed reading all the archives up to June, and it?s nice to see that the writing style and humour carries back to the beginning. The first other thing I clicked on was the Experiments link, and the title does not disappoint. Inside that section, David describes the internet experiments which he has conducted. I particularly enjoyed reading the ?Chatting up a chic via e-mail? one, where he posted a tantalizing profile at an online dating site and compiles the list of replies that he received. These experiments give the readers a voyeuristic enjoyment in reading the replies. I was also impressed by David?s sense of responsibility, in that he did not post the results of the second experiment, which is about a dubious issue (read it on the site). There is also an Articles section, which is a list of articles David and his friends has written over the years. These includes pieces as varied as ?A few pointers to seduce women? to a multi-part road trip to Albany write-up, which was the first clue that David is an Australian (I missed the Aussie Blogs webring link at the bottom of the main page). There is also a section called David?s People (D.People). It seems to work like a agony aunt article in that David replies to readers who write in about various personal problems. Some of them are funny and some of them are genuinely helpful, but all of them are interesting to read. The other sections are the guestbook, links, results of the monthly polls and a gallery ? which wasn?t the personal picture gallery I expected but screenshots of David?s ?The Sims? (a computer game) families. Regarding the design of the site, I found the clean approach and black background to be easy on the eyes. I also liked the way the red, blue and yellow bars seem to have an effect of guiding the eyes down. That hypnotising effect is probably why I spent so much time reading the main site. :) However, there is a design decision which I found strange. The archives of the blog open up in another window and the formatting of the main site does not carry over into the archives. I have no problems with this though, since the basic white archive template is easy to read, but it does detract from the ?integrated? feel of the site. Also, this is nitpicking, but the Main link on the top navigation bar pops up a new window instead of simply loading it in the current one. I?m not sure if this is a conscious decision, but I found this to be distracting as I have to close the new window. In conclusion, I like the site and I feel that it really deserves a 4.5, but the inaccessible pre June 2002 archives and minor design issues made me reduce the score to a 4 in compliance with the rating guidelines. I really recommend that everyone visits this site, as it?s worthy of that at least, to establish if you like this site enough to read it regularly. Personally, I?ve already bookmarked the site and will continue to read it daily.
This site was reviewed on 2003-05-12 by sixthseal.They felt this site belonged in the Personal category.sixthseal felt that StayPuff deserved a rating of 4.

Inspiration

2006-09-22T05:23:00.000-07:00

http://danielmcvicar.blogspot.com/

This guy is an inspiration to amateur bloggers like myself. One day I hope to be as funny, original and 'WACKY' as him.

I'll have to learn how to post videos first.

Bar Bar

time is the old bald cheetah

2006-09-21T22:02:00.000-07:00

Amongst the usual mail from followers and fans of www.staypuff.net there have been a few legimate queries from interested people as to the logistics of Davids' site and life in general, among these the majority ask "where does David get the time?"
and where does he? after kickng ass at the taekwondo academy, going out on dates, learning a foreign language, masturbating, teaching 12 classes a day and wrestling with the moral issues of himself and others, there cant be a lot of tme left in the day for the mundane task of making an eager audience cringe
well our man on the ground, disguised as a girl (so as not to get catch Davids' attention) managed to secure ths shot of the dedicated man in action

the author apologises for the low quality of humour in this post

Dinner

2006-09-21T21:04:00.000-07:00

David (www.staypuff.net) always likes to show us the foreign things he eats. Tryin' to look all clever and all. So I thought I'd show ya'll what a real man eats. Cawt this on the I55. Boiled it up with some squirrel and grass. It was deelishus.

Yee Ha

Cletus

2006-09-21T07:45:00.000-07:00

Another great pic of people enjoying themselves at fellow christian and adventuror Andrew Browns' Birthday party! www.andyinkorea.blogspot.com
Happy Birthday you dirty old bastard

2006-09-21T06:52:00.000-07:00

This is a photo of a fellow blogger's wife. his blog is called blessed family, and those of us at david and the lingering sadness thought we'd just post this photo to illustrate how much we respect the sanctity of love and the family unit. She's priced above rubies, and she should be.

People The World Could Just Do Without!

2006-09-20T22:01:00.000-07:00

Let me appologize in advance--this might get ugly.

Okay sleezy aussie, A, no--Adam Copper, I'll use your real name, because you obviously have no sense of decency, so why should I treat you with any.
I really think the problem most people have with me is that I'm too honest. If there's something you're doing, and I don't like it, I'm GOING to tell you. That's just the way I am, and people can either get used to it, or not be around me.

So, yeah, my run the other day was great. I meet ADAM down by the lake, and he's standing there trying to have this conversation with two korean girls, and from a distance I can hear how badly he's speaking korean, and I can tell that the two girls are NOT impressed, but he's being really touchy, and overbearing, and you know how polite koreans are, so they put up with it. Like they haven't had sleezy western guys hit on them before. When he sees me coming he gets this big grin on his face, and gestures toward me, so the girls he's talking to look, and I can tell they want to leave. But Adam starts yelling, introducing these girls to me, and telling them I'm his friend: "chingu chingu." Ummmm, right.

And the girls look at me in this help-me way, so I approach them quickly, and start speaking korean, very fast, so ADAM won't understand a word, not that he'd understand anything if I spoke slowly, but I didn't even want him to pick up a word. I apologize for his conduct and make it a point to stand there and talk to them for at least 5 minutes, while ADAM stands by watching with his mouth open in awe. UMMMM, yeah. I've done a little more in the last three years than go out and get drunk and eat anjew at hofs. And then I politely say goodbye to the girls, who were much calmer in their leaving than they had been 5 minutes before with ADAM slobbering on them.

After they leave. I'm disgusted. I just want to get this run over and go home, but ADAM decides to light up a cigarette, and ask me questions, like how did I learn so much korean. Studying. Or what were the girls names. Umm, kim sul-young, and park young-il. And did I mind if he smoked his cigarette before we went running. Yeah.

That was it. I'd had enough. So I just start running as fast as I can, and I can hear ADAM try to keep up with me, but just like our korean speaking levels are different, so are our running levels. Before too long, I can't hear his steps anymore, but I do hear him shout some australian slang insult that I can barely hear because I'm so far ahead of him now.

When I get home, there's a message on my answering machine--it's ADAM, acting as though everything was a big joke--no idiot. it wasn't. sorry. I'm not your friend. Leave me alone. He's a person the world could do without.

Well I'm off to make this week's lesson plans.

Bye for now

Chucks

Kimchi Man: A Force for Good or Evil?

2006-09-19T23:46:00.000-07:00

Given the huge volume of traffic that passes through David's blog (www.staypuff.net), and the fact that this human traffic may be quite young, impressionable and most of all Korean; I believe he has a moral duty to make sure he uses his infuence in a positive manner.

www.staypuff.net could be a great social tool for good, but what does David choose to do? I'll tell you: He chooses to make smutty little cartoons like Kimchi Man (the anit-christ). In the latest episode, KM decides to help a child win a computer competition by cheating, then goes on to say, and I quote, "It's only cheating if you get caught." Why does he want to win the computer game? So he can blow money on hollow consumer goods for his materialist whore of a mother.

I believe David distributes this filth to his students, what kind of impression will it make on them? There will be a generation of Andong kids running around, lying, cheating, stealing and pimping in order to get what they want. This must stop.

Quite frankly Kimchi Man is a rude, offensive little cunt and there's no fucking need for it.

Mary Whitehouse

P.s. What makes Kimchi Man even more offensive, is the fact that the spelling and grammar is awful. Not only will his students be immoral, they'll also be illiterate. I mean how long does it take to read what you hav ejust written.

Miscomummified

2006-09-19T20:22:00.000-07:00

Hugs^^ to David over at staypuff.net who has had to deal with *sigh* another episode of "miscomumication" from a korean girl. This latest setback led to dinner being served 30minutes late on a weeknight but otherwise didnt affect a thankfully enjoyable evening
this has been an ongoing theme at staypuff and is something of a mystyery, considering davids' obvious command of Korean language and customs.
I can however sympathise as I too am suffering from some communication problems with my new 'ladyfriend' who is also a non-native speaker, just the other day she confused my request for oral sex as a statement that I would give her oral sex and that really made me feel uncomfortable, now she thinks I dont enjoy oral sex at all which couldnt be further from the truth! As is so often the way with these princesses she's getting what she wants and I'm left feeling a little bit used, why can't things just be simple...what to do?

Christopher

Rebecca's Tattoo

2006-09-19T01:51:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking for some time about getting a tattoo. All my friends tell me it would look really cool. I think Becca at Iamrebecca has just proved this and convinced me to take the leap.
I mean, really, how cool does that look? And it means so much to her. I just have to decide what to get now, any suggestions.

Helen Colley

Who's lost that lovin' feelin' ? bring it on back!

2006-09-19T00:07:00.000-07:00

There's a girl in my office who is deliberatly ignoring me, and instead of finding it attractive, it's making me think she a real bitch, and I'm probably not even going to ask her out anymore. I'd planned on taking her to a duck golbi place within the next week or two, and based on our conversations, which we were having on a daily basis before this silent treatment, she was keen to go, but now, I don't think I will ask her at all. I hate it when girls do that sort of thing. Excuse my rant, but she gave a half smile earlier and I just ignored her, and this has been brewing in my head all day.

I'm going for a run tonight--no, not because I need to, but because I don't want to look like I need to--, and I'm supposed to meet A at about 7:30. I've been running with him lately. A's a new foreigner in town, and he's sorta latched on to me, and seroiusly, it's starting to get annoying. He's a nice guy, but who really want's to lead a new person through town and answer all his inane questions, and show him everything, and after all that, have beers on friday. And he smokes, and he's been to my place, which I wasn't comfortable with, and he just lit up a cigarette in my apartment. You guys know I've only got a one room, so you can imagine how awful the smell still is. So I think toniight, I'll say something to him, in an indirect way, about how much he's annoying me, and maybe he'll get the hint, but I'm not very confident he will. He's from Australia, and he just seems like one of those stupid guys who comes to korea just to meet women, and not work. If he doesn't get the hint, I'll make it plain.

K called me last night from California. He's doing well. He's staying at his sisters and is thinking about starting back up at Berkley. He was doing a degree in anthropology, before he dropped out, so I'm thinking he'll continue with that, and with his minor in philosophy. Everything he's into is so abstract and complicated, but I like that about him. He said he'll be getting a job with his sister until next semester, then he hopes he'll be off to school. He also informed me that Kerouac's on the road will be re-released in it's manuscript form in decmber. I can't wait.

Well, I've got to work up the nerve to go for a run with A. Wish me luck

Sigh

Chuck

Right or Wrong?

2006-09-18T23:25:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, David (www.staypuff.net) commited a sin that made him question his inflated opinion of his own morality. As usual, he was completely vague about the details of what actually transpired, so it was probably nothing. I personally think he makes up these little scenarios, just to justify his banal existence. It gives him chance to talk about something else, other than naming his electrical goods and his pathetic love life.

But, just suppose someting did happen. What could he have possibly done? Since, the sycophantic, little arsewipe only allows people with a rosy view of his warped world to post comments on his website, there has been no place to speculate on this matter (until now).

Personally, I think he visited the ladies (possibly men) of the night. How about you?

Bar Bar

Links

2006-09-18T04:55:00.000-07:00

Here is a list of our favourite blogs:

www.staypuff.net
http://Iamrebecca.blogspot.com
http://frugalbastard.blogspot.com/
http://www.freakychick.net/
http://www.aussieinseoul.blogspot.com/
http://aboutjoel.com/blog/
http://andyinkorea.blogspot.com/
http://blessedchristianman.blogspot.com/
http://qek.blogspot.com/
http://queenforayear.blogspot.com/
http://musingsorchards.wordpress.com/
http://tharp42.livejournal.com/

The Fruit of My Dog

2006-09-18T04:30:00.000-07:00

After David, from staypuff.net, rejected numerous constructive and pertinent comments written by myself and my friends, we've decided to start our own blog, which will have several contributors and deal mainly with the daily content of staypuff.net. If you happen by this site, please feel free to look around and leave whatever comments you like, unless you happen to be David from staypuff.net; then, you can go fuck yourself, pussy--go back to your own stupid blog. This one is ours. You hear?

--El Rey Chancho

P.S. David, it's difficult for people to understand you, because you're stupid, not because you're special

David and The Lingering Sadness...

Waking up next to somebody you think you know cares!

george hunneycutt

Chanchthebadman: self reflection

Prose poetry

David's Back

A Lingering Absence or kNowing Somebody Cares *shrug*

davids back

Still

I'm Disappointed

Damn head cold.

A wonderful 24 hours.

First Snow of My Life

Korean Keyboards

The Weak End is Coming!!!!!!

A Busy Thankyou!*%*

New Way GOOK

Seasons in the Sun, Rain, Snow and Wind!

Embracing Diversity!*

The D man's 3 Beautifully Things!?!

Chanchthebadman: The End of Shame

Exiguous Posting!

...and Bloggers Shall Inherit the Earth.

My Most Embbarrassed MOment by David!!

Photo from home

Im a vegetarian!!!!!

Andy my Hero

Does the fact that I cry in public, bring into question my sexuality?

How Are You?

Wedding Bells

Levi Cobb

David is a Cocksucker!

Howdy partner

Chanchthebadman: basic adventures

Walking, talking, LIVING Doll!

Chuck Chuck--left my baby at the DMZ

Chanchthebadman on travel, queers, street merchants, and darkies

For Jack

51st post....YAY!!!!!!!!

10 Important Things From the D Man's Bedroom

Love and some verses

A Day In My Life

ON THE BLOB

XXX mas is Coming

Adam and his missus

The Religious Wrong

El Rey Chancho's Gente

A Very Short Confused Poem

Man Love Moment

Fun with Andy

A good morning at home

User Feedback

I poem by a fellow blogger. rebecca who is valued higher than diamonds. I think this poem is very well writen

Three things that made me wanna barf today

A note from the BOSS

Straypuff

Seoul Brothers

A Poem . . . . . .

My trip to North Korea

Birthday Blues

Hot and Bothered

Weekend Plans

El Rey Chancho's Gente

Thats Mr. Gae to you...

Poetic Justice

Morning ride...lunch with S

A Poem . . .. .

How to be good?

trailing clouds of glory

Who is he?

I need a little love . . .

Things I notice in Korea (and presume you'd like to know about)

A beutiful review of www.staypuff.net

Inspiration

time is the old bald cheetah

Dinner

People The World Could Just Do Without!

Kimchi Man: A Force for Good or Evil?

Miscomummified

Rebecca's Tattoo

A Lingering Absence or kNowing Somebody Cares shrug

A Busy Thankyou!%